Upward We Slogged, to the Roof of the Standard Hotel

INVITED TO: “Special screening party” for Warner Bros.’ “Ghost Ship” at the Orpheum Theater, with after party at the Downtown L.A. Standard.

WHICH WAY IS UP? “We like to do something weird and creepy around Halloween,” announces Joel Silver, who, with fellow producer Robert Zemeckis, introduces Warner’s -”The Shining”-esque tale of a haunted ocean liner. After a few tittery frights amid the 1926 Orpheum’s movie palace splendor, the crowd removes to the monolithic cool of the Standard hotel, where the real adventure begins. Tonight hotelier Andre Balazs’ retro-outfitted playground in a former gray-flannel-era office building is feeling like a neon-lit, right-side-up version of “The Poseidon Adventure.” Owing to poor crowd capacity logistics (i.e., the fire marhsal’s here), knots of celebrities are trying unorthodox routes to the rooftop bar-pool-lounge. Lisa Ling is blocked at the back elevator before she can take in the view. Mark McGrath confronts the impasse at the escalator. “You had to go through one area to get to another area and, believe it or not, we plowed through security,” says the Sugar Ray lead man, emerging topside. “It was ridiculous, but Mudvayne is playing, so you expect nothing less.”

KEEPING IT REAL: “I came for Mudvayne; no one else cares to listen to good music,” declares dapper rocker spawn Jack Osbourne, looking comfortably at home. And why shouldn’t he feel at home? As is often the case chez Osbourne, wandering MTV film crews are recording everything, in this instance, for a production called “Party on the Ghost Ship.” Could Jack be on to something, music-wise? Indeed, the non-MTV contingent, including Lara Flynn Boyle and Jessica Capshaw as well as “Page Six” fixture Paris Hilton, seems less than motivated by the movie’s featured soundtrack artists, ghoul rocker combo Mudvayne. “I’ve never heard of the Mudvaynes,” admits Rachael Leigh Cook, bundled up for autumn in a brown wool herringbone overcoat. “They’re a metal band, right?” asks Luke Wilson, scouting the rooftop for his friends and brother Owen. Brittany Murphy’s interest appears directed at “That ‘70s Show’s” Ashton Kutcher, while fellow cast member Danny Masterson is just happy to be here. “This is my favorite bar in L.A.,” he says. “Beautiful outdoors and you can smoke everywhere. I come here even on off nights--an ‘on’ night is kind of a bonus.”

Celeb Quotient: ***

Like a TV show about famous people having a party while doing a reality show about a party with all these famous people having a party . . .

Wow Factor: ***

Movie, Mudvayne and dancing under an autumn sky. Of course, getting there halves the fun.

Grazing Level: **

The mini diner sandwiches (PB&J;, BLT, club and grilled cheese) run dry early, but the desserts and liquids (thanks to the booze sponsors) flow into the a.m. hours.

Rating Scale:

1=ho-hum 4-yowza