This Break Gave Him Window of Opportunity

E.S. Armstrong of Houston won a $75,225 judgment because the Baseball U.S.A. team, whose field was next to his home, kept him up late at night and knocked two balls through his bedroom window.

Not content to take the $225 in broken-glass damages, Armstrong went to court and hit for the cycle, adding another $10,000 for loss of enjoyment of his property, $40,000 for loss of use, and $25,000 for mental anguish.

Pretty good compensation for losing a little sleep.

Trivia time: Who was the first player in the 20th century to hit four home runs in a major league game?

Passing the buck: Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig was in a minor car accident in Milwaukee this week.

“Apparently, it was just a fender-bender,” said Keith Olbermann of ABC Radio. “Besides which, under the new collective bargaining agreement, any repairs have to paid for by George Steinbrenner.”

Grappling with an idea: Tom FitzGerald in the San Francisco Chronicle: “NBC will air a new reality series called ‘Adrenaline X,’ in which extreme athletes compete in various events.

“The competitors will be wired with heart-rate monitors, helmet cameras and body microphones. An intriguing idea, but why not take the next step right now? Lie detectors on pro wrestlers.”

Real clout: Ron Rapoport in the Chicago Sun-Times: “Dolphin defensive end Adewale Ogunleye has one of the most imposing names in the league and an ancestry to match. His great-great-grandfather was a Nigerian warlord, and his family still controls a 100-square-mile area of the country.

“ ‘I remember in second grade, I did something wrong in school, and my teacher beat me,’ Ogunleye’s father, Gabriel, told the South Florida Sun-Sentinel. ‘So I went home, told my mother and they sent a police officer and arrested the teacher at school for beating the son of a king.’ ”

Some real Whoppers: “In Mitch Albom’s book on the Fab Five, Chris Webber whined about the money the school was making selling his jerseys while he barely had enough for fast food,” said Pat Forde of the Louisville Courier-Journal. “Chris apparently has expensive taste in burgers.”

Triple whammy: ESPN.com’s Jayson Stark reports that Florida Marlin pitcher Julian Tavarez uncorked the baseball equivalent of a magic bullet, throwing a pitch whose ricochets left the batter (Milwaukee’s Richie Sexson), catcher (Ramon Castro) and plate umpire (Greg Gibson) all writhing on the ground.

Said Marlin infielder Andy Fox: “I was just hoping we had enough trainers for all the injured people.”

Trivia answer: Lou Gehrig of the New York Yankees against Philadelphia on June 3, 1932.

And finally: Mark Kiszla in the Denver Post on 49er receiver Terrell Owens: “So much trash is spewed from his lips that Owens should be declared toxic dump No. 81. Three days and 1,000 miles away from the Denver Broncos’ game in San Francisco, you can smell him from here.

“Owens, who ran free and wild on Denver during the preseason, warned that unless the Broncos have acquired a cornerback as big and ornery as Laker center Shaquille O’Neal, there is no player who can cause him any difficulty.

“ ‘Unless they’re like Shaq, I don’t really feel like I have a problem,’ Owens said.”