Who Wants to Be First Person to Tell Tiger?

Here we go again: Jerry Greene of the Orlando Sentinel maintains that golfers aren’t real athletes, writing: “Is Tiger Woods the most athletic golfer walking this or any other planet today? ... Of course he is.

“But does that make a better athlete than the last man on the Orlando Predator roster of Arena Football League players? No, not even close.

“The fault lies in the game. Golf is not a first-class sport. Golf is a recreational hobby posing as a sport.... No, without physical contact, golf is exposed as one of the many recreational hobbies that pose as sports.”

Comment: It’s obvious that Greene has never played golf under a pressure situation.

More Greene: “Three critical questions: 1. Why do we need to wash bath towels? Aren’t we clean when we use them? 2. Why isn’t ‘phonics’ spelled like it sounds? 3. And why do we sing ‘Take Me Out To The Ball Game’ when we’re already there?”

Nice to see that Greene is a big fan of George Carlin.

Trivia time: What is the record for most rebounds by both teams in an NBA playoff game?

Not this time: Kansas’ superstitious coach, Roy Williams, remembers when his team lost to North Carolina in the national semifinals 10 years ago in New Orleans, the Jayhawks stayed at the Fairmont Hotel.

“No that there was anything wrong with it,” Williams said, “but I would stay on a park bench before I would stay there.”

Must see: Dwight Perry in the Seattle Times: “News flash: Only five more days until the premiere of the latest Jack Nicholson movie, ‘Anger Management.’

“This review just in: Ron Artest gives it two fingers up.”

More Perry: “News flash: Reuters reported that a New Zealand trawler fishing near Antarctica hauled in a big surprise last week -- a dead, 330-pound female colossal squid with eyes the size of dinner plates ...

“Incredulous scientists immediately termed the catch the largest collection of dead arms since the 1996 Detroit Tigers.”

Good Mark: After 12 years in the NFL and three in retirement, Mark Carrier is back in class at Nicholls State.

“I made a promise to myself and to my mother years ago that I would finish school,” the 37-year-old Carrier said. “I was here for four years and got drafted and always said I’d come back to finish up.”

High times: Nebraska cheerleaders are no longer bound by the restrictions that limited their routines.

Last spring, former athletic director Bill Byrne said the school would no longer allow cheerleaders to perform routines that require them to leave the ground.

Byrne’s decision came after the university paid a $2.1-million settlement in 2001 to a woman who was paralyzed in a cheering accident in 1996.

“I would compare it to telling the football team that they had to start playing two-hand touch,” fourth-year cheerleader Aaron Pembleton said.

Trivia answer: 97, Boston vs. Philadelphia, March 19, 1960.

And finally: When Todd Zeile homered for the Yankees on Wednesday he became the first player to homer for 10 teams.

Zeile called it a “dubious honor.”

-- Mal Florence