Recall madness

Gov. Lapdance?

So many candidates, so little time. At last count, 500 humans and one cyborg had taken out papers to run for governor in California’s Recallapalooza (still no word on whether soon-to-be ex-Liberia President Charles Taylor will throw his hat in the ring). As a public service, we hope to profile all the serious contenders (which means we can ignore such joke candidates as Bill Simon, Gray Davis, Cruz Bustamante and Arnold Schwarzenegger). Today’s candidate spotlight shines on Mary Carey, a porn star who promises to make lap dances tax-deductible.

Wearing a star-spangled bikini top and 4-inch-high platform sandals, she campaigned in front of L.A. City Hall this week. “My goal is to bring happiness to the streets of California,” the 22-year-old blond told reporters.

Alas, Carey’s candidacy threatens to split the crucial porn vote. Hustler magazine publisher Larry Flynt is also in the race.

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Huff ‘n’ stuff

Commentator Arianna Huffington tried to put a grass-roots, populist face on her bid for governor by declaring her candidacy in a gritty inner-city neighborhood. But there was no hiding her Brentwood roots.

A media advisory for the event only gave driving directions from the Westside and South Bay. Another dead giveaway: The refreshment table was piled high with such working-class favorites as Nature Valley granola bars, Crystal Geyser bottled water and Ocean Spray cranberry juice.

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Quote of the day

Sitcom writer-turned-gubernatorial-candidate Bill Prady tells TelevisionWeek his background could come in handy if he wins: “I intend to solve the state’s problems in 22 minutes and 42 seconds, with two commercial breaks and a hug at the end.”

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Humor Bureau alert

From a cbs.com contest to create Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Top 10 campaign slogans:

10. Monosyllabic answers to questions will help speed up press conferences.

8. Just close your eyes and you’ll swear I’m Henry Kissinger.

7. Vote for me and one day I might be able to fight off robots that are trying to wipe out the human race.

Sources: City News

Service, laobserved.com