Will Substituting a New Term Change Behavior?

Ah, the Hollywood touch! Val Rodriguez of Signal Hill, a substitute high school teacher, tells me that, lately, when reporting to new classes, he has been introduced as a “guest teacher.”

I guess the thinking (or at least, the hope) behind this trend is that the kids will feel honored. Which isn’t the way we used to greet subs when I was a kid. (My specialty was launching paper airplanes.)

There’s even a website called guest-teacher.com. But some of the stories it contains -- such as one sub’s tale about a kid drawing a picture of her being hauled away in an ambulance -- might give anyone pause about putting in a “guest” appearance of this type.

The changing language (cont).: Columnist Dan Bernstein of the Riverside Press-Enterprise says that a memo at Riverside County Regional Medical Center announced that inappropriate behavior, including “name calling,” among employees was forbidden. The memo added: “This would include ‘old man’ and ‘youngster.’ ” Observed Bernstein: “Things are a lot different than they were when I was a youngster.”

Speaking of students: Albert Eberts, age 10, of Glendale realized the numbers didn’t add up, so to speak, on a sign at a local store (see photo).

Good observation, young, uh, man.

Travel tip: In Ontario, Harley Hudgens noticed what appears to be a new type of cruise line (see photo).

Unemployment line? This is the time of year when football coaches are fired. However, the shot that Laurel Howat of Long Beach took in Scotland pertained to vehicles (see photo).

Butting heads with Laguna: A Laguna Beach resident phoned police the other day to say a goat was in his backyard. It wasn’t an unusual incident. Folks in the affluent town like to keep exotic pets, and sometimes the creatures escape.

Animal Services officers knew this fellow and returned it without incident. “Usually you just rustle some paper like it’s food, and they’ll come running to you,” said Officer Joy Falk.

Even if the critter had been a stranger, the officers would have known what to do.

“We’ll go door to door to see if anyone knows the goat,” Falk said.

Sometimes the animals do get into trouble.

“They like to stand on tall things,” Falk noted. “We had one standing on cars. And they start stamping their feet. If they’re on a Mercedes, that’s not good.”

miscelLAny: Melinda Proctor’s hairdresser, Dan, had this observation about the annual New Year’s countdown ceremony at Times Square: “I don’t know why, especially on national television, we want to start the year by ‘Dropping the Ball.’ In my experience, whenever I’ve ‘dropped the ball,’ it’s been a bad thing.” Sharp observation, old man!

Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A, Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012, and by e-mail at steve.harvey@laimes.com.