Laughing Lumberyards Get In Their Last Word
Before anyone boards a bus there, two Tarzana lumberyards are hammering away at the Metropolitan Transportation Authority, trying to nail one last joke before they’re brushed aside to make way for the San Fernando Valley’s new transitway.
That explains the drill this week along Reseda Boulevard, where a war of words is coming to an end between rival lumberyard workers who for 15 years have used curbside marquee signs to exchange insults and quips.
At the start of the rivalry, motorists traveling along the boulevard could scarcely believe what they saw on the signs outside Terry Lumber, on the east side of the street, and Tarzana Lumber on the west side.
Both lumberyards were owned by Terry Mullin, although most passersby didn’t realize it. So jaws would drop when Tarzana Lumber, which catered to remodelers and do-it-yourselfers, would level fun at contractor-serving Terry Lumber’s weekend hours. “Only Wimps Close at Noon on Saturdays,” guffawed a 1989 sign.
Topical messages were typical. “Our Bins Are Ladin with Nuts and Loose Screws,” Terry Lumber proclaimed after the initial shock of the 9/11 attacks.
“Holy Flash Flood! Noah Received His Lumber from Us,” Tarzana Lumber boasted during one particularly rainy winter. Countered Terry Lumber: “The Truth Is Noah Returned Their Lumber and Bought Ours.”
Puns flew back and forth across the boulevard as the two marquees were changed, sometimes daily, so workers could get in the last word about such things as “Traffic Jambs,” “Plankers’ Hours,” “Stud Service” and doing “Your Bevel Best.”
One passerby proposed to his girlfriend on Terry Lumber’s marquee. “Wood You Marry Me?” asked the sign. The surprised woman pulled in to the lumberyard to construct her answer. “Yes She Wood!” was the reply the next day.
During a former president’s reign, one of the signs read: “We Carry More Stain Than Monica’s Dress.” The other boasted: “We Carry Stain Remover.” When some callers protested the political incorrectness of that exchange, Terry Lumber countered with: “Wanted -- Sign Changer With No Sense of Humor.”
When Tarzana Lumber was renamed Terry Sash and Door in the 1990s, jokes about who was “a pane” and who was becoming “unhinged” shot back and forth. “We Maple Your Leg Sometimes,” Terry Lumber admitted. “We’re sycamore puns,” retorted Terry Sash and Door.
The two lumberyards have operated on Reseda Boulevard at Oxnard Street since Mullin began leasing space from Southern Pacific Railroad more than 50 years ago. He started by selling recycled lumber during the post-World War II era and rapidly expanded when the Valley subdivision boom hit in the 1950s.
“Terry Had a Little Land, His Lot Was Full of Wood.... “ explained one of the marquees a few years ago. “ ... And Everywhere That Terry Went He Built a Neighborhood,” the next installment concluded.
But lumberyard workers learned 10 months ago that the current owner of the railroad right-of-way, the MTA, would be reclaiming the property for the planned cross-Valley bus route.
Bob Nagle, manager of Terry Lumber, said his employees and stock will be dispersed to the company’s other locations after his yard closes Feb. 14. “The MTA takes over April 1, April Fool’s Day, which we think is fitting,” he said.
Guy Mullen, manager of Terry Sash and Door, said his operation will move to, perhaps fittingly, Woodley Avenue near Sherman Way in Van Nuys. Under current Los Angeles municipal rules, the new store will not be allowed to have a marquee sign, he said.
“I’ve enjoyed them for all these years. It’s a darn shame,” Larry Germansky, a Tarzana contractor and a customer of both lumberyards for decades, said of the signs.
“The real joke is this will probably stay vacant after these guys leave. The MTA financing will dry up and nothing will be built here.”
Not so, say transit officials who have begun initial construction of the $330-million San Fernando Valley Metro Rapid Transitway.
The project is uprooting 101 businesses that leased old railroad right-of-way land from the MTA, said spokesman Rick Jager.
The 14-mile busway will link the busy Warner Center area of the West Valley with the Red Line Subway in North Hollywood, the East Valley, with fast-moving buses traveling along the former train route.
One of the busway’s 13 passenger stations will be built at Reseda Boulevard. Portions of the lumberyards will be used for commuter parking.
So for now the final jokes are being sanded and polished and put on display one last time before the company packs its building materials, tools and hardware and bolts.
“Mass Transit Or Mass Hysteria?” “We Are Being Bus-ted Outta Here” and “Paved Paradise and Put Up a Parking Lot,” recent ones have proclaimed.
This week, Terry Sash and Door’s marquee read: “MTA Can Kiss Our Sash!”
Across the street, Terry Lumber’s said: “China, 2003: 300 MPH Mag Train; L.A., 2005: Maybe a Bus Line.”
Will Valley commuters have the last laugh?
The lumberyard guys wooden bet on it.
