And Now, the Award for Most Inspirational
I CAN hear Salma Hayek now after accepting the best actress Oscar for her role in “Frida”: “I’d like to thank....”
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THERE ARE no thanks necessary, of course, because inspiring people to give us their best performances is what I do.
At some point I’m sure Salma will want to hug and kiss me again for all the support I’ve shown her, and you know what that’s like -- OK, so maybe you don’t. (I’ll try to remember to take notes and get back to you with the high points.)
Obviously, it’s not a big deal to me. Teaching Shawn Green how to hit again and the Angels how to win with personality, while bringing the fight out in USC and telling Kobe Bryant there’s no way he can score from long range or earn MVP honors this season is only part of the daily grind to get the very best out of stars.
I am no miracle worker, though, because I can’t imagine anything short of a mute button making the host of ESPN’s “Around the Horn” Emmy eligible or a heart transplant turning around Michael Olowokandi’s game.
No, much like Kate Winslet in “Titanic,” when she tells a freezing Leonardo DiCaprio she’ll never let go and then promptly drops him like a rock to the bottom of the ocean, sometimes there’s just no way to save the stiffs and therefore no reason to go to a King game.
Shaquille O’Neal is another project entirely.
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SHAQ IS the best player on the planet in the estimation of most (although I would still make the argument to favor Kobe). The Lakers have three titles because of his domination, and fans in L.A. have been treated to countless moments of entertainment because of his humorous way of looking at life.
His game on the court is almost Superman-like again. But for the last few months the sullen one has been leaving Staples Center through the kitchen to avoid the media. Unlike Arnold Schwarzenegger, when this guy tells you at practice, “I’ll be back,” he doesn’t return. He has become the big bore, which is quite confounding because no one really knows what’s behind the prolonged pout.
“I never pout,” he said after the Lakers demolished Denver on Tuesday.
So how come the change in good humor from the last three years and hiding in the kitchen? I asked.
“If I was hiding you wouldn’t know I was in the kitchen,” he said, and finally a glimmer of the Shaq of old. “Listen, I said at the beginning of the season I wouldn’t talk if there was nothing to say, and you can’t have much fun when you’re 12 games under .500. I’ve been chilling -- just chilling.”
Well, knock it off, I suggested, although I can’t be sure if he heard me.
He said his foot is still hurting and said that accounts for his becoming aloof. And as for the stir he caused a few days ago, telling a Chicago newspaper, “Since I suffered the [foot] injury on company time, why shouldn’t I also be able to get surgery and do recovery on company time?” he says he never said any of that.
He also said, “The guy called me at eight in the morning,” and laughing added, “I have no idea what I said to him.” Now that’s vintage Shaq, full of all kinds of confusing yuks and showing signs that he has been reminded of having fun again, which can’t be good for the rest of the league.
I hope he doesn’t think he owes me any thanks for that.
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ABC announced it has extended the contract of broadcaster Al Michaels. He will continue working one day a week, which should give the fanatical golfer needed time to work on his game. I ran into Michaels at the Super Bowl, and although I spilled coffee on my notes and they are difficult to read, I believe he said he shot a 108 the last time out. I suppose it could also be a 78 or 88, but I don’t believe in miracles.
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GIVEN SALMA’S loyalty to the Lakers, it would be nice if the guys made a pitch to Academy voters to help push her past Nicole Kidman, Julianne Moore, Diane Lane and Renee Zellweger for the Oscar -- you know something like “you wouldn’t want to disappoint Shaq, now would you? Vote for his biggest fan.”
Holy Kazaam, in appreciation, maybe she could give him acting lessons.
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AS BAD actors go, we have Tonya Harding preparing for a boxing match with Samantha Browning as part of an undercard for the next Mike Tyson fight. In a statement Tuesday, Browning said of Harding, “She couldn’t whup me with a hubcap in her hand.”
Given Harding’s history, we might find out.
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ASSOCIATED PRESS reported a father of a University of Oregon recruit said his son was offered sex, alcohol and marijuana during a campus visit, and after Leo Hamilton, the father of Stockton running back Lynell Hamilton, complained to coaches, they did little about it.
According to AP: “Oregon head coach Mike Bellotti said his coaching staff looked into the accusations and found nothing to substantiate the kid’s claims of marijuana use.”
I wonder if that means he hasn’t ruled out the sex and alcohol.
Hamilton said Oregon had been his top pick, but because of his experiences there, his parents steered him toward San Diego State, where he accepted a scholarship. (San Diego State is ranked No. 10 in Playboy’s 2002 rating of party schools across the country; Oregon wasn’t in the top 25).
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TODAY’S LAST word comes in e-mail from Leon Chang:
“Please tell Kobe to stop the farce and sign with Reebok already. After all, Reebok spelled backwards is ‘Kobe-er.’ Think about the marketing opportunities.”
I can’t wait to tell Kobe about my marketing idea.
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T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com