Memo: Don’t Bug Officer Shaq for Autographs, No Gawking and No Stalking

The memo said, in effect: Give Shaq some space.

It didn’t come from any rival coaches but from the L.A. County Sheriff’s Department, and it concerned Officer Shaq.

“As many of you may know, Reserve Forces Bureau (RFB) is responsible for the training of Shaquille O’Neal as a reserve officer with the Los Angeles Port Police,” the advisory to personnel said.

“RFB would like to ask your cooperation in not approaching RFB staff members to solicit autographs, etc., from Shaq or trying to ‘sneak that peek’ should you hear that Shaq may be in our offices.”

And for goodness sake be careful not to step on his big toe.

Has the driver tried wearing glasses? As if there aren’t enough traffic hazards around, Gerry Pennington found one more at LAX (see photo).

Such a deal: Allen Wilkinson of Whittier sent along a subscription offer from a magazine that has apparently resorted to reverse psychology (see accompanying).

A guy who doesn’t mind noisy neighbors? The Laguna News-Post said police received a call about someone who was believed to be “living in the trees near the police firing range.”

Unreal estate: John Wade of Newbury Park spotted a property that’s so ritzy it comes with a private physician (see accompanying).

Don’t know much about geography: An unsteady panhandler in a mall held out his hand and asked me, “Eighty cents to get to Long Beach?” I didn’t have the heart to tell him he was already in Long Beach.

I wondered if he was the same guy who was pulled over by Huntington Beach police a few years ago while carrying a hatchet and steering a bicycle erratically. Asked if he knew where he was, the ax murmurer said, “Long Beach or Bakersfield.”

Traveler’s advisory: Marvin Chandler of usually peaceful Carmel sent along a local police log item about a driver who “reported an acorn fell into his open window ... He felt the acorn might have been thrown into his car.” Good thing he detected it before it became a mighty oak.

miscelLAny: The worst offer I received this week was a piece of e-mail with the heading “Loose Weight.” I already have enough, thank you.

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LA-TIMES, Ext. 77083, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012 and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.