Man’s Roadside Sermonizing Spurs Thoughts on What Jesus Would Drive

Unholy rollers? The police log of the Los Alamitos News-Enterprise reported that the street-corner sermonizing of a religious zealot in Cypress “caused a disturbance in traffic.” I wonder if he was angering SUV drivers by appealing to them to give up the gas-guzzlers. He wouldn’t be the first holy man to do so.

A pastor who operates the Pennsylvania-based Evangelical Environmental Network launched a “What would Jesus drive?” ad campaign last year in which he asked Christians to resist the temptation to buy SUVs.

As for Jesus’ mode of transportation, I can report that there is no evidence -- repeat, no evidence -- that he drove an SUV.

You may recall that The Times’ Roy Rivenburg found indications in the Bible that Jesus preferred a Pontiac and a Geo, among other chariots. In Psalm 83, for instance, the Lord is urged to “pursue your enemies with your Tempest and terrify them with your Storm.”

Rude transportation (cont.): Lou Mallinckrodt of Santa Ana saw a reference to an Evinrude outboard motor that was definitely spelling-challenged (see above).

From rudeness to rats: Tosh Aiboshi of Culver City found a flier on his windshield from a company that boasted about its rodents (see above).

Duh! Award winner: C. Dickinson Hill of L.A. suspects that “not all golfers are fully awake on arrival” at the Penmar golf course in Santa Monica.

So, despite the glaring omission inside the restroom, “somebody in risk management thought a sign would be helpful” (see photo).

Duh! (part deux): John Cronander of Thousand Oaks passed along a warning against munching on an inflatable mattress (see above).

Europe as you’ve never seen it: L.A. area high school teacher Juel Goldstock passed along his latest collection of student writing bloopers, including these:

* “Soon, I’ll be 18 years old. Then, I’ll be an audit.”

* “Marry me. I don’t want to live in vein.”

* “ ... and the next president was John Quincy Jones.”

* “Someday I’ll go to Europe and see the fountains of Greece and the Great Wall of China.”

* “Daisy’s careless driving caused her to run over and kill Myrtle but her death was avenged by Mr. Myrtle.”

* “We went to Las Vegas and stayed at Circles Circles.”

I can’t remember if Mr. Myrtle was driving an SUV.

MiscelLAny: Earthlink’s computerized greeting to Fred Sokoler on a piece of junk mail said, “Fred, connect with the people you love faster this holiday.”

Nothing strange about that except that Fred Sokoler has been deceased since 1985.

“Let there be cable Internet on earth,” the ad goes on to say. Asks Sokoler’s son, Alan: “And in heaven?”

*

Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012 and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.