Sun will never set on ‘Network Stars’

The clothes were goofy, the contests goofier, the concept goofiest of all: Pit TV celebrities, network by network, against each other in a pseudo-Olympics. A twice-a-year tournament of tug of wars, obstacle course running, touch football and more, hosted by Howard Cosell. Stars such as Farrah Fawcett and Gabe “Mr. Kotter” Kaplan in short shorts, Speedos and big hair.

“Battle of the Network Stars,” which aired from 1976 to 1985, is back, if only for one week at 7 and 11 p.m on the Trio cable channel. All of which makes one wonder: Who’s behind this? And could “Battle” ever be remade in today’s 200-channel world?

The man responsible for this week’s revival is Time magazine columnist Joel Stein, who selected “Battle” as well as such other dogs as “My Mother the Car” and “Idiot Savants” for re-airing. He’s the first “curator” of “My Trio,” in which a notable guest programs the prime-time lineup for a week. Next up: Quentin Tarantino in October.

Answering the second question is more complicated. Back then, kayak relays and the dunk tank beckoned actors such as Fawcett, Kaplan, Ron Howard and Penny Marshall for ABC; Sonny Bono, David Letterman, Mackenzie Phillips, Telly Savalas and Jimmie Walker for CBS; and Robert Conrad, Lynn Redgrave, Jane Seymour and William Shatner for NBC.

Could we expect the same of Jennifer Aniston, James Gandolfini, Jennifer Garner, Martin Sheen and Kiefer Sutherland today? Or for that matter, Aaron Brown and Bill O’Reilly? Not without a collective bargaining agreement.

Next problem: the teams. Instead of just three, you’d have so many squads that you’d need at least a Western and an Eastern conference to accommodate them, with divisions such as arts and entertainment, music video and home improvement networks. You could even have major and minor leagues.

Of course, this presupposes that networks would let their stars appear on a rival. It was dicey enough when “Battle” originally aired, as CBS and NBC saw their assets used to boost ABC’s ratings.

Would it be like the Emmys all over again -- the equivalent of one big commercial touting the joys of HBO on some hapless broadcast network?

Then again, if Gandolfini were in the swim relay, maybe not.