Azeri’s Trainer Belongs in a Class of Her Own

I returned to Wheaton, Ill., Saturday to attend my 35th high school reunion and to learn after all these years why William Hurt opens our 1968 Wheaton yearbook in the final scene of “Body Heat” only to learn Kathleen Turner isn’t who she says she is.

From the outset things did not go well. I noticed right away I was the only young person in the room, so I asked one of the senior citizens leaning against the bar if she knew where the Class of ’68 might be getting together.

She said I had taken her to the Valentine’s dance our senior year.

We chatted a few minutes, she said she knew nothing about “Body Heat,” and as I recall now, that’s true.

When I checked on the three girls that I had remembered dating in high school -- none of whom attended the reunion -- I learned the first now enjoys a lesbian lifestyle, the second died more than 25 years ago and the third lives in a cabin in Idaho without heat or running water.

I guess I’ll never know what might have happened had any one of them agreed to go on a second date.

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I WAS telling Hollywood Park publicist Jack Disney about my disappointing trip home, mentioned I got nowhere with “Body Heat,” and he said he had just the thing to perk me up: Join him Tuesday and spend a little time with the hottest female in Southern California.

He said we’d have to drive to northern San Diego County, however, to spend some quality time with “Honeybear,” and while I figured that had something to do with the impending local ban on lap dances, the idea of someone named Disney getting a lap dance from someone named Honeybear struck me as pretty funny.

When we arrived at San Luis Rey, as pretty a setting as anyone could hope to find on the back roads east of Oceanside, we were told Honeybear was out back sunbathing. I recalled the remake of “The Thomas Crown Affair,” and Rene Russo out back sunbathing, and turned the corner to find “My Friend Flicka.”

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THAT’S RIGHT, the hottest female in Southern California -- according to Disney -- is a horse. (Disney’s slipping -- I would have thought he would have taken me to see someone named “Nemo.”)

The horse’s trainer, Laura de Seroux, calls the hottest female in Southern California Honeybear, but the wagering public knows the 5-year-old cash cow as Azeri, who won Saturday at Hollywood Park for her 10th consecutive victory. Seven more in a row and she’ll break the all-time win streak shared by Citation, Cigar and Hallowed Dreams.

“If we don’t screw it up and pick the wrong race she has a real chance to set that record,” said De Seroux, who will most likely run Azeri next at Del Mar. “A match race between Azeri and Congaree (ala Ruffian and Foolish Pleasure) has already been proposed for Del Mar this summer, but we nixed it.

“It would certainly draw a big crowd,” she said, and with the release of “Seabiscuit” this summer, which features a match race with War Admiral, the interest would certainly be extraordinary.

“But a match race would put Azeri at too much risk, so we’re not interested.”

It’s hard to argue with De Seroux, of course, because she talks to the horse. (I’d like to get a load of some of the guys she dated when she goes to her 35th high school reunion at Alhambra two years from now.)

“She has a wonderful voice,” De Seroux said, and I guess when you spend every day with 45 to 50 horses, you’d hear voices, too. (She also said she watches “All My Children,” I presume with the horses.)

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THE HORSE racing game has lost its zip because of the lack of star power. There hasn’t been a Triple Crown winner in 25 years.

“The horse breed has been weakened, and horses are more fragile,” De Seroux said.

Azeri has a chance to get folks excited, but come April she will disappear too.

“When you consider her first foal could be worth in the $5-million range, you want to start that baby factory sooner than later,” De Seroux said.

In addition to fragile horses, the sport has lost some of its top jockeys in the last year. And when it comes to the best known trainers, for the most part they seem pretty taken with themselves.

The sport needs a boost, which brings me to Tuesday’s date with the woman behind the hottest female in Southern California. De Seroux, who studied under the genius of Charlie Whittingham for 17 years, got her trainer’s license in 1999 and in 2002 became the first female to train the horse of the year. Azeri, of course.

And “Little Laura from Alhambra who failed to make the cut as a cheerleader,” as she jokes about herself, remains on a roll -- she’s the only trainer during the current Hollywood Park meet to saddle four stakes winners.

Saturday she will run Dublino in the $200,000 Beverly Hills Handicap at Hollywood Park -- assuring me Dublino will win.

Married to renowned blood stock agent Emmanuel de Seroux, who provides the quality horse flesh, De Seroux runs a San Luis Rey Downs operation, which includes more than $30 million in horses and Lolo, a little ugly runt dog kept on the premises to make the horses feel big and beautiful.

Azeri, of course, is the resident queen of the barn, and to keep her happy and running fast, she gets all the peppermint candy she wants. I just wish I had known about peppermint candy in high school.

P.S. Does anyone out there know why a 1968 Wheaton yearbook appeared in the final scene of “Body Heat”?

Please, don’t make me go to my 40th reunion.

T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com.