Now, if He Could Only Think of Something That Rhymes With E. Coli ...

If the song “I Sprayed It on the Grapevine” sounds vaguely familiar, it’s because the recording by UC Davis toxicologist Carl Winter is a takeoff on Marvin Gaye’s hit.

Winter warbles about food safety around the nation (he appears before the Special Librarians Assn. in L.A. next month) using parodies of pop hits.

Reader Jeff Bliss tipped me to his song menu at foodsafe .ucdavis.edu/music.html#songs.

Some of the moldy oldies -- the adjective is appropriate here -- include:

* “You Better Wash Your Hands” (to the tune of the Beatles’ “I Want to Hold Your Hand”).

* “Food Irradiation” (as in Little Eva’s “Locomotion”).

* “Stomachache Tonight” (as in the Eagles’ “Heartache Tonight”).

* “Veggie Believer” (as in the Monkees’ “I’m a Believer”).

* And finally: “Clonin’ DNA” (as in the Beach Boys’ “Surfin’ U.S.A.”).

Warning shot: Writer Steve Herbert noticed that a Century City bookstore flier about a visit by NRA executive Wayne LaPierre, author of “Guns, Freedom and Terrorism,” included the addendum, “No Firearms on Premises!”

They rate No. 1: John Goodlad, Robert Brobst and several other readers pointed out that the softball players at San Pedro High have no reason to be upset, despite what their uniforms seemed to say in a recent Times spread (see photo). This week, in fact, they just won the city softball title -- the, uh, Pirates did.

Unclear on the concept: William Smithana of Buena Park snapped a shot of a somewhat out-of-whack sign (see photo).

Freeways by the number: As for the singular tendency of Southern Californians to use the article “the” when referring to their freeways, Tracy Gantz wrote: “It’s even more regionalized than that. I grew up in San Diego, where 805 intersects 8. I moved to L.A. (actually, the San Gabriel Valley), and before I knew it, I began discussing the 5, the 210 and the 605. Oddly enough, when I visit my family, I still call those freeways 805 and 8.”

The 5, running through both San Diego and L.A., “does present a problem,” Grantz said, “and I think L.A. is winning that battle. My question is, along what part of the 5 does the freeway lose its article -- San Clemente? Oceanside? Carlsbad?”

Perhaps at Cardiff by the Sea. Or is it Cardiff by Sea?

Not exactly melting the hearts of L.A. drivers: Traffic on the San Diego Freeway -- also known as (the) 405 -- slowed to a crawl on a hot Wednesday afternoon in the Carson area. Cause: A truck spill -- of ice cube trays.

miscelLAny: The term for the poisonous substance that Socrates drank after he was sentenced to death is also the name of a street in downtown L.A. (see photo). Oddly enough, it is next to the L.A. Wholesale Produce Market. Dead-ends there, actually.

Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LA-TIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012 and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.