You working stiffs just wouldn’t understand

You don’t understand. It takes money to live in a nice home and drive a nice car. It takes money to travel and to host cocktail parties and to leave impressive tips. It takes money to be important.

I offer this by way of explanation to those who have phoned and e-mailed me about three stories that appeared in last Wednesday’s newspaper. Aware of my little-man’s attitude toward America’s fat cats, they were anxious for me to explain to them why the cats are getting fatter while they’re struggling to buy pork chops.

They were, you might say, truly teed off because the top execs of the MTA are earning outrageous salaries, because a city department wants to almost triple its travel budget for “educational” trips to New York, and because Amy Pascal got a hug for planning to can 300 workers from Sony Pictures Entertainment.

“It’s un-American!” one of the callers shouted in my ear. Actually, it’s very American. In order to be important, you have to look important in the corporate world, and that doesn’t mean buying your suits at Penney’s Outlet, driving around in an ’86 Toyota Tercel or camping at Lake Isabella.

What really got the people crazy was the story that MTA Chief Executive Roger Snoble is, at $295,000 a year, making more money than his counterparts who head much larger systems in New York and Chicago.

Snoble is not only paid nearly twice as much as the man he replaced two years ago, but since he took over, the number of MTA executives earning more than $100,000 a year has nearly doubled. He explained that the increase is because they are hiring better people, and that paying everyone more money will save the city millions.

Huh?

While Snoble’s logic may seem unclear to you, there isn’t a CEO in America who doesn’t understand it. If you had worked hard, attended Harvard Business School and knew whose ring to kiss, you too could be earning hundreds of thousands of dollars to save the city money.

The second article in last Wednesday’s Times that irritated those who shouted in my ear concerned a request by the city’s Information Technology Agency to almost triple its travel budget. While one might wonder why a department that oversees city government computer systems and L.A. cable television franchises would have to travel to New York, there’s an explanation. It’s to attend conferences to learn.

This has irritated those who feel (a) that the ITA people should already know what they’re doing without traveling anywhere and (b) they can learn what they don’t know by just going online and signing on to Google. I ask Google everything, and it always has an answer.

The agency isn’t demanding millions. It only wants another $35,000 added to its $18,400 annual travel budget. “Sure,” one of my t.o.’d callers said, “but that’s just for now. Next year they’ll want $100,000 in order to attend conferences in London and Milan to learn where the pound key is on the keyboard!”

I’m sure they know where the # key is, but their request has prompted two City Council members to call for an audit on ITA travel, and for City Controller Laura Chick to begin reviewing how much in taxpayers’ money is being spent for travel by all of the city’s departments. This should be fun.

The third article called to my attention told us how Amy Pascal, vice chairwoman of Sony Pictures Entertainment, received a hug from her boss, Sony Corp. Chairman Nobuyuki Idei, for offering a plan that would include the firing of hundreds of workers. At least 300 jobs will be cut over the next 18 months.

“They’re willing to spend $210 million for a remake of ‘Spider-Man,’ ” a show-biz caller said, quoting from the story, “but they don’t have enough money to pay some poor schmuck a living wage? C’mon!”

I say again, you don’t understand. One works hard for a hug from one’s boss. The only time I was ever hugged by a CEO, I discovered later that my wallet was missing.

It’s difficult for the average wage-earner who considers ownership of a 3-year-old pickup and dinner at Denny’s the height of living to understand the requirements of those who make it into the higher brackets. They have to study for years to learn how to dress right, marry properly, tip lavishly, kiss rings, earn hugs and conquer the complex economic equation that explains how paying themselves more money will benefit the working poor.

And on top of all that, they have to be able to deal with investigative reporters, city auditors and guys like me who don’t understand what I’m trying to get you to understand, if you understand my meaning.

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Al Martinez’s column appears Mondays and Fridays. He’s at al.martinez@latimes.com.