Blue Monday

Opening Day is Monday -- nearly a religious holiday in many baseball burgs but, chances are, the beginning of another season of discontent in Los Angeles. After all, the home team has lost more World Series games than any other franchise (counting their Brooklyn days), has untested new ownership and hasn’t won a postseason game since beating the Oakland A’s in the 1988 World Series. This season’s first pitch hasn’t been thrown, but we’re already feeling a particularly nasty strain of the Dodger Blues coming on. Here are a few ways to take the edge off:

Hitch to the Ditch

On top of everything else, it’ll cost you more -- $10 -- to park the Escalade in Chavez Ravine. So skip the lot and take the $2 round trip shuttle from Union Station (Opening Day, 1:10 p.m., vs. San Diego; and every Friday). This also affords the chance to observe the rare Foam-Fingered Dodger Fan in its optimistic plumage.

Or take your chances with street parking. There are about 1,000 free spots scattered between Boylston Avenue, Stadium Way and Academy Road. They fill up fast -- an hour or more before game time -- and require as much as a 15-minute schlep to the stadium.

Take home Fernando Valenzuela

To make sure you leave Dodger Stadium with something more than a gnawing feeling of despair, go to a promotional giveaway game. Sept. 16 (vs. San Diego) looks like a winner: It’s “Fernando Talking Mini Keychain” night (the rest of the schedule is on the team website, www.ladodgers.com). Oh, and wave to Fernando -- the pitching legend will be up in the booth, working the broadcast for Spanish-language station KWKW (1330).

Seek unprofessional help

There are many websites designed to help Dodger fans process their disappointment, vent about the new ownership and seek closure. One, in particular, has a bite (not to mention an R-rating): www.dodgerblues.com. Its motto: “Celebrating the futility, disappointment, and humor of the Los Angeles Dodgers.”

Visit one of our ex’s

A real glutton for punishment? Go ahead and wallow in what might have been by turning out for the Dodgers-Mets matchups April 27-29 and watch former Dodger catcher Mike Piazza return to the scene of the crime. Mike, we hardly knew ye.

Drown your sorrows

If misery truly does love company, there’s no better place on game day than an L.A. sports bar. Dublin’s on Sunset boasts more than 80 television sets -- so odds are good the Dodgers will be on at least one TV no matter what kind of season they have (if the game isn’t on, all you need to do is ask). And when the game is over you can roll right out onto the Strip for a night of clubbing. Dublin’s Irish Whiskey Pub, 8240 Sunset Blvd. Los Angeles, (323) 656-0100. Open until 2 a.m. seven nights a week.

Make it holy

Monday’s opener is also the start of Passover -- here’s your chance for a Seder in the stands. Canter’s can pack a Pesach picnic with half an hour’s notice. (Jacqueline Canter’s favorite portable Passover meal: a hard salami and mustard sandwich on matzo -- hey, it’s got to beat the Dodger Dog.) Toss in a few macaroons and some Manischewitz, ask the important question -- “Why is this season different from all the others?” -- and pray the answer is, “Because the Dodgers win the pennant.” A full takeout Passover menu is available from Canter’s Deli, 419 N. Fairfax Ave., Los Angeles, (323) 651-2030.

Speaking of that Dog ...

We know, we know. The Dodger Dog isn’t as good

as it used to be. But somehow, over the decades, it’s overcome mere gastronomy and become one of L.A.’s iconic foods. Thanks to the Dodger Dogs outpost at Universal CityWalk, you can down your Dodger Dog stadium-style without enduring an actual game. Universal CityWalk, open 11 a.m.-9 p.m. weekdays,

11 a.m. to 11:30 p.m. on Friday and Saturday.

(818) 622-2364.

To the Galaxy and Beyond

OK, admit it: there’s still something completely seductive about having that first Dodger Dog at Dodger Stadium on a beautiful spring day. But maybe it’s like starting a bad relationship all over again: You know it’s destined to come to a terrible end. Maybe it’s time to move on. Major League Soccer season kicks off Saturday, when the Los Angeles Galaxy begins its ninth season by facing off against the New England Revolution. And this team guarantees genuine fireworks afterward. At 7 p.m. April 3, Home Depot Center, 18400 Avalon Blvd., Carson (310) 630-2200.