Ethan, the oracle

ETHAN HAWKE, who stars in the new movie “Taking Lives” with Angelina Jolie, has been doing the rounds of the glossy magazines and TV shows, talking about life and his split from actress Uma Thurman.

The 33-year-old broodingly handsome actor has broodingly appeared in such films as “Dead Poets Society,” “Before Sunrise” and “Training Day,” and he has written two novels. Might relationship guru be in his future?

Here are some excerpts from Hawke’s recent press campaign, along with suggested ways to apply his wisdom to your own life:

“I always felt like a marriage works best on, say, a farm, where you are together and everyone has clear-cut roles.”

-- People Magazine, April 5

Tips for application: Buy a farm or, if you don’t have the money to buy a farm, rent a farm. Go on Craig’s List. If you don’t like the farms available for rent on Craig’s List, just show up on somebody’s farm. Tell the happily married farmer couple holding hands in their front doorway that your relationship is from the city. Ask for a list of chores and two glasses of milk.

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“In a marriage, somebody’s gotta ride shotgun. If both people want to drive ... eventually you might have to say, ‘You know what? We gotta take two cars.’ ”

-- “20/20,” March 5

Tips for application: While it is possible for both parties in a relationship to drive the same car at the same time, this can be dangerous, particularly in a manual-shift vehicle.

Obviously, in the car, couples act out their relationship in significant ways, because one person is behind the wheel and thus in control, and the person who is in the passenger seat (we’ll call her Uma) is trying to wrest back some control by playing with the radio.

As an experiment, the next time you go out to dinner, try taking public transportation.

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“You know, I would wake up with girls who would say, ‘God, last night was just like ‘Before Sunrise.’ And I’d just sit there and cringe. Sweetie, baby, I’d say, it wasn’t like ‘Before Sunrise’ at all. It’s a very different thing.”

-- Details, March

Tips for application: Obviously, not all of us have heard women say, “God, last night was just like ‘Before Sunrise.’ ” Some of us have heard women say, “Last night was just like ‘The Man Who Knew Too Little,’ ” but that’s not the point. The point is, comparing your passion with movie passion is fraught with peril. Don’t do it. You’re better off comparing your love life to television, because at least on TV you get the benefit of a laugh track.

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“You’re much more likely to find great leadership coming from a man who likes to have sex with a lot of women than one who’s monogamous.”

-- Details, March

Tips for application: Hear that, ladies?

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“I mean, you know, how do you make love stay? You know, I don’t think that, you know, whatever our poem is, I don’t think it’s done.”

20/20

Tips for application: Tell her/him that you can’t communicate your feelings in person because you don’t have the tools, but that you want him/her to know you’re channeling the way you really feel into a poem. A poem that, you know, isn’t done.

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“I studied serial killers for this part, and what’s amazing to me is their belief in their own innocence.”

-- New York Daily News, March 19

Tips for application: Not applicable.

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“You have to learn to mitigate your own ego. But it is challenging.”

-- The Mirror, March 26

Tips for application: Mitigating your ego can take various forms, many of them more easily accomplished than you might expect. Here are a few to try the next time you think you might be ready for the ego-mitigation thing:

Stop correcting (must you always be right?).

Don’t just listen, hear.

Practice random acts of kindness (but not too random, particularly if you take medication).

When you get that role opposite Denzel Washington, think twice before taking it. Say, “I need to stay home.”

Paul Brownfield can be reached at paul.brownfield@latimes.com.