Thanks, but that won’t work either

They sure do mean well, bless their hooked-up hearts, but married people who give dating advice should be forced to watch “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days,” “50 First Dates” and “Little Black Book.” On a loop.

Before you think I’m being harsh and ungrateful, know that no one more than I would like to see the dark clouds part over the L.A. dating scene.

But I find it tough to take suggestions from the coupled-up. Singledom is a world they no longer inhabit, meaning they can be and usually are completely out of touch with the day-to-day realities the rest of us confront.

Face it, L.A. is not only geographically hostile, its singles culture also wears its cynicism, not its heart, on the sleeve. It’s an immediate gratification that doesn’t have much use for friendliness and small talk, and the aesthetic is skewed to the 25-and-younger set. How could the happy couple be in tune?

Those couples don’t endear themselves, either, when they launch into the Story of Them -- how they came to be the (seemingly) blissful conjoined ones that stand before me. That tale usually involves some ditty about how mutual friends set them up, or how they met at doggy day care. And then the inevitable, “You should try that!”

You think?

The advice itself, unfortunately, tends to fall into two camps: patently offensive and duh!

Judge for yourself from this smattering of not-so-helpful hints I’ve picked up lately:

* “Stop traveling in packs -- that intimidates men.” What they’re telling me is I need to edit my girlfriends down to one or two, tops, for trolling-the-town purposes. My translation: While I’m being completely mercenary, why don’t I hang out with only the ones who won’t compete directly with me -- different temperaments, different hair colors -- thus bettering my odds?

* “Go rock climbing.” This is what it’s come to -- they’re saying that I’ll have to prostrate myself to get attention from men. Sadly, they could be right.

* “Try Internet dating. Everyone’s doing it.” Yeah, and everybody’s wearing trucker hats too.

* “Don’t wear those rings -- it looks like you’re married.” Beg to differ. I think a man is much more likely to see the flashing neon sign on my forehead that says “available” before he’d notice two tiny silver bands on my right hand. In fact, the only people who notice such jewelry are women and married men, some of whom have been known to ditch their own rings for a night out. I won’t be dating anyone from either camp.

I try to let all these tips, tricks and how-tos wash over me, but it’s not easy. If the advice-givers can’t see me cringing, they’re not paying attention.

I’ve been dating since I was 16 -- minus the few years I was married -- I know how to do it. The climate just isn’t allowing me to do it.

A friend told me earlier this year that she was giving herself some advice. In relationships, she’s vowed to do the opposite of what she’s always done. She’s gone nowhere by sticking to convention. So, mixing it up is worth a shot, she figures.

We now refer to it as “The Summer of George Costanza.” It sure worked for the “Seinfeld” sidekick -- he got a job with the Yankees, after all, and his love life turned around when he put his opposite theory into practice.

I’ll take that advice, because it wasn’t forced on me and it came from a comrade in the trenches. What could I possibly have to lose?

T.L. Stanley can be reached at weekend@latimes.com