Calling carnivores

In Drive-By’s opinion, a road trip to Las Vegas is incomplete without a stop at the Mad Greek in Baker, Calif., for the Onassis -- a cheeseburger topped with thinly sliced pastrami. It’s a schizophrenic foodstuff that marries the best parts of a deli sandwich with all the admirable traits of a burger.

Now it’s even easier to satisfy your hankering for such a hybrid. Carl’s Jr. just introduced a pastrami-topped patty for the masses. And although it may not fully measure up (“I’ve had the Onassis, and you sir, are no Onassis.”), if you live in L.A. it does have the upside of being 183 miles closer to your dinner plate.

Pastrami burger

Taste ****

If fast-food pastrami makes you think of meat that has the taste and consistency of wet paper towels, you’re in for a pleasant surprise. The Carl’s Jr. folks have done this one right -- thinly sliced but substantial strips of peppery pastrami almost overshadow the all-beef patty beneath. Red onion, dill pickles, lettuce, tomato and a kick of mustard round it out.

Diet Watch **

At 770 calories and 43 grams of fat (that’s for a single patty; gluttons can bust a gut by doubling up), the PB can hardly be considered diet fare. But on a menu packed with 1,000-calorie burgers, it’s far from the worst choice. In fact, it feels like health food compared with the 1,418-calorie Monster Thickburger from the company’s Hardee’s chain.

Portability *

Drive-By was able to put away a pastrami burger in less than two miles going up La Brea and across Melrose but not without the assistance of his wife, a small birch tree’s worth of paper napkins and a ruined pair of Old Navy cargo pants. The laws of culinary calculus are clear on this: pastrami + sandwich = grease. Pack Scotchgard.

Hype-o-meter *

The campaign rolled out this week features two ads. One is a retread involving a wait at the deli counter. (Jack in the Box did that months ago.) But the second may be my all-time favorite: A car plows into a deli. The tag: “Because delis don’t have drive-thrus.” It deftly combines fast food and fast cars -- and illustrates the hazards of mixing them.

* Ratings are on a scale of one (lowest) to four (best).