A French bistro with high production values

It’s a Thursday night, and in front of Costa Mesa’s smash hit restaurant Chat Noir, bulky SUVs, chic convertibles and the occasional candy-colored Ferrari jockey for position as the drivers nose toward the valet station. A red tongue of carpet stretches from the entrance of the French bistro and jazz lounge, named for the saucy black cat in a vintage French poster.

Pronounced “shaw-nwar,” Chat Noir is just a stone’s throw from Orange County Performing Arts Center and South Coast Plaza; it reels in theatergoers and shoppers for early and late-night dining. And the call is out: Its sprawling Moulin Rouge lounge has become a magnet for singles.

Inside, the color scheme is not black like the cat, but lipstick red, with demure little sofas in the waiting area and a giant velvet pouf swathed in yards and yards of lusciously textured red. As soon as we’re inside, a wave of perfume crashes over us, a heady mist of every pricey scent imaginable all swirled together. The crush of bodies is something I’ve experienced only at rock concerts. Add the deep rumble of the bass emanating from the lounge and you have utter sensory overload.

Swimming against a tide

Our table isn’t ready yet, so I go to investigate and find myself in another queue just to get into the lounge, which turns out to be so noisy that all I can catch are the words “Newport Beach” and “Corona del Mar,” popping up like cartoon flags from the mouths of revelers. The crowd is heavily tilted toward the female -- blonds in wisps of dresses mostly drinking pretty red cocktails. (I later find out that red cocktails are house specialties.)

Not much eating going on in here, but I do spy a couple of plateaux de fruits de mer on tall metal stands the way they serve iced shellfish in France. And suddenly I remember dinner.

Making my way out of the packed bar is like trying to swim against a powerful undertow. The dining room -- one of several in the huge space, each with a different color and design theme -- feels like a haven of tranquillity in comparison. Not that there are any empty tables. Chat Noir, like the five other restaurants from entrepreneur/chef David Wilhelm, including Chimayo Grill in Newport and Sorrento Grille and French 75 in Laguna, has a high production value.

What it doesn’t have is great food.

But Wilhelm and executive chef Chris Reischl obviously know what people want. The decor evokes every possible cliche of France, from vintage advertising posters and touches of Art Nouveau to the cocktail waitresses’ black fishnet stockings. The menu, my friend notes, offered dishes that were more interesting -- and more typically French -- when the restaurant first opened in September.

I’m captivated by the basil-fed escargots, picturing someone chucking a snail under the chin as she feeds the creature snippets of basil one by one. When the little morsels arrive, they are so drowned in garlic butter, studded with pieces of ham and langoustine, that even if the snails did taste of basil, you wouldn’t be able to tell. It’s awfully heavy-handed.

Shrimp en cassoulet has one of those rich, rich sauces that used to be the hallmark of fancy French restaurants in this country. The same exaggeration appears in moules marinieres. The heap of mussels in the shell are plump and tender, steamed with white wine and shallots, but the sauce is more beurre blanc than brothy, heavy on the butter and cream. Butternut squash bisque would be lovely if it weren’t thick enough to serve as a side dish.

The best “hors d’oeuvres” here may be pommes frites for the table.

Spilling out of a tall metal cone, they come showered with a little parsley and fleur de sel and with three dipping sauces, including a creamy mustard sauce. Oysters on the half shell, which can number up to a dozen varieties on any given night, are a good bet too, at $2 apiece. They’re the best thing about that plateau de fruits de mer, by the way, which comes in two versions, petit and grand, at $75 and $110, the only difference being that the latter includes a whole lobster rather than a half, with the addition of king crab legs, which never have any flavor anyway. The shrimp taste as if they’ve been cooked days before, the Dungeness crab is merely a few chunks of lump crabmeat, and the lobster, though not overcooked, doesn’t have much flavor. It’s a lot of ice for the money.

Salade grillee is half a head of romaine with a repellent scorched taste, cherry tomatoes and Caesar dressing. What were they thinking? That this is California and anything grilled goes?

I thought the terrine of foie gras mousse was pretty good as a budget version of Tim Goodell’s sumptuous terrine of foie gras at Aubergine. Until I found out this one cost $40.

I had an even harder time with the main courses, most of which were unappetizingly heaped on the plate and tasted as if they could have come from the steam table at a cafeteria. Braised veal cheeks are gelatinous and falling-apart tender, as they should be, but that’s about all they have going for them, certainly not flavor. Short ribs and rack of lamb are OK, but nothing I’d go even around the block for. When two in my party order steaks, our perky waitress makes a point of saying that medium rare here is a true medium rare, are you sure that’s what you want? But when the beef arrives, they’re both overcooked, more medium than medium rare. The “ultimate” Kobe flatiron steak, small and square, is the biggest disappointment. It lacks anything resembling flavor and is not even tender. Fortunately, the steaks come with those delicious fries.

Vins ordinaires

For a restaurant that boasts private temperature-controlled wine lockers (for investors and VIP diners only), the wine list is pretty pedestrian, filled with ho-hum California selections and overpriced imports. When they’re selling Veuve Clicquot brut Champagne at $19 a glass, don’t expect any bargains.

I love the idea that for dessert they’re offering crepes suzette. Neatly folded into quarters, the crepes are showered with long strips of orange zest and topped with a ball of vanilla ice cream. They’re perfect, except for the fact that they’re cold. Chocolate souffle for two turns out to be the best dish in the place. It arrives tall and proud, with a cloud of Cointreau whipped cream. Made with Callebaut chocolate, it’s not super dark, but it has a nicely defined chocolate taste.

Wilhelm and company could have gone for the authentic, and I’m convinced it would have been just as much a success as this corporate-produced parody of French cooking. He gets points for creating a lively venue for before- and after-theater dining, but as a French bistro, Chat Noir is a bust.

*

Chat Noir Bistro & Jazz Lounge

Rating: 1/2 *

Location: 655 Anton Blvd., Costa Mesa; (714) 557-6647, www.culinaryadventures.com.

Ambience: Disneyland does France with red velvet curtains, posh booths, lots of polished brass and vintage posters. The sprawling lounge offers live jazz most nights. And should you be so inspired, the front desk sells berets to go.

Service: Reasonably good, but the corporate perkiness can begin to wear thin.

Price: Dinner: hors d’oeuvres, $8 to $40; salads, $9 to $11; main courses, $16 to $34; sides, $6 to $8; desserts, $7 to $12.

Best dishes: Oysters on the half shell, shrimp en cassoulet, pommes frites with fleur de sel, filet mignon tartare, terrine of foie gras mousse, moules marinieres, hot Callebaut chocolate souffle, crepes suzette, creme brulee.

Wine list: An uninspiring mix of predictable California labels and high-priced imports. Corkage, $20 for bottles not on the list.

Best table: A corner booth.

Special features: Raw bar with the night’s choices scribbled on a blackboard, and a sprawling indoor-outdoor lounge with live jazz Tuesday through Saturday nights.

Details: Open for lunch Monday through Friday, 11:30 a.m. to 2:30 p.m.; lounge menu, 2:30 p.m. to closing. Dinner Sunday through Thursday,

5 p.m. to 10 p.m.; Friday and Saturday, 5 p.m. to 11 p.m., with late-night menu until 11 p.m. and midnight respectively. Full bar. Valet parking $5 in the evening, $3 in the afternoon.

Rating is based on food, service and ambience, with price taken into account in relation to quality. ****: Outstanding on every level. ***: Excellent. **: Very good. *: Good. No star: Poor to satisfactory.