Thanks for Your Letters

In your Jan. 11 editorial, “Thanks Oh So Very Much,” you ask, “Is our society coarser, ruder, more confrontational?” Without a doubt or hesitation, an emphatic “yes.” This is seen every day in all circumstances: on the road, in stores, restaurants, theaters.

My wife and I dined last week in an upscale restaurant. Two tables away, two young men, well dressed, looking like prosperous businessmen, both spent their dinner time on their respective phones in between bites of their meal. The ringing of their phones and phone chatter were constant. The restaurant did not enforce its “no cellphones” policy. While this may appear to be anecdotal, the fact is that such behavior is now very common and, to many, quite normal.

Charles Vorsanger

Pasadena

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Your editorial is right to remind parents to insist that children write thank-you notes to friends and relatives for gifts. Wrong, however, I believe, to disqualify e-mail as a medium for that essential courtesy.

Even if they use the e-mail “Tks” or “Thk U,” the ease, speed and more casual style of e-mail allow my grandchildren and others I’ve observed to go into detail about the features of the gift they appreciate and to express friendly, loving feelings about the gift giver before signing off. A card sent by snail mail, maybe only because a parent demanded it, would not make me feel any more properly thanked, or as happy, as when I get an e-mail a few minutes after the gift is opened.

Betty Cain

San Diego

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I didn’t agree with the listless, hopeless tone of your editorial. Trained as a child to send thank-you notes through the mail, I still take the time to put pen to paper to properly thank friends and relatives for their thoughtfulness -- not obligation -- to buy me things or do nice things for me around the holidays. I mean, really, what could be less satisfying than sending a short, hurried e-mail from the office or leaving a brief message at the tone on an answering machine? When did thanking someone become an item on our “to do” list next to calling a utility company to dispute a bill?

So before we shun manners in this century, think of thank-you notes this way: Recipients of my thank-you notes not only have peace of mind that I received their gifts but also the heartfelt confirmation that their spending an hour at the mall was worthy of my five minutes to write, address and stamp a note to them.

Jennifer Hoffman

Moorpark