Picturing O.C. With the Clout of Iowa
Yes, I know Orange County isn’t a state, although we have a bigger population than 20 of them. At 3 million strong, we’ve got more people than two New Hampshires, with just enough room left over for Wyoming, minus the sheep. Our population is virtually identical to Iowa’s. We’re in the top five in the nation for most populous counties.
What’s the point, you ask? Where’s he going with this?
Four words: Caucus envy, primary jealousy.
After watching the gaggle of Democrats and national media lay siege to Iowa and New Hampshire in recent weeks, I screwed on my thinking cap extra tight and imagined Orange County as the temporary center of the political universe.
Frankly, I got all worked up. Come on, wouldn’t you love to see Howard Dean after a couple beers at the Goat Hill Tavern -- especially if he lost the primary?
TV pundit: Orange County will really test these candidates, because it’s got rich and poor, ethnic diversity, a mix of young and old, plus both blue-collar and high-tech workers. Unlike New Hampshire and Iowa, whoever wins here could make a case he’d do well in other states.
With so much at stake, here’s how a campaign manager might schedule a candidate on a typically hectic day:
7:45 a.m.: Flip flapjacks at the Buena Park fire station. Laugh a lot, but go easy on the bacon. Long day ahead. Try to avoid repeating New Hampshire embarrassment of getting tangled up in fire hose.
9:15 a.m.: Tour of Crystal Cathedral with the Rev. Robert Schuller. Marvel at the beauty and elegance of the grounds, then while driving away, stop the press van and lead “spontaneous” march into nearby poorer neighborhoods.
11:10 a.m.: With an eye to Gen X crowd, you go to the Block at Orange. Remember, no tie. Make your way to the skateboarders and mention to a group of 13-year-olds that you once got stoked watching Tony Hawk vert-ramping. Don’t worry, it’ll translate to 20-somethings.
Noon: Meet with local Democratic power brokers.
12:01-12:30 p.m.: In Tustin, walk picket line with locked-out grocery workers. Lament shrinking health care benefits for Americans and how, if we’re not careful, no one will be able to afford to get sick after 2009.
12:45-1:15 p.m. Lunch, but make it a light one.
1:30-2:45 p.m.: The big one. Disneyland, the photo op of the day. Walk down Main Street, making sure your sport coat is slung over your shoulder as crowds converge. Seek out Mickey or Goofy and ham it up, big time. You’ll stand in line like a normal person and ride the Matterhorn (the reason for the light lunch). While riding, wave your arms over your head. Spectacular video.
3:10-3:50 p.m.: Irvine Spectrum. The big talk of the day, the one we’re hoping TV uses to augment Disneyland footage. You give stump speech on American ingenuity. Do NOT mention Broadcom, however.
4:15 p.m.: Meet-and-greet in Laguna Woods, a seniors community. Stay strong on prescription drugs. Mention your parents and society’s promise to them. The schedule is flexible, so if you want to work on the jigsaw puzzle in the rec room, feel free. But don’t hog the action.
6 p.m. Great photo possibility, most likely for TV ads down the road. You’ll be on a bluff overlooking Dana Point Harbor. A good place to wax nostalgic, but wait for setting sun. Say something about seafarers of long ago and modern-day immigrants coming to Southern California in search of a better life. Talk about the beauty of the land and your hopes and dreams for an America where everyone can look off into the distance and count on a better tomorrow. If it’s windy and your hair starts getting blown all over the place, we’ll re-shoot another day.
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Dana Parsons’ column appears Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays. He can be reached at (714) 966-7821, at dana.parsons@latimes.com or at The Times’ Orange County edition, 1375 Sunflower Ave., Costa Mesa, CA 92626.