RESUME

Objective: To reenter the work force full-time after several years of raising children.

Personal: Married, with two children who are in school for 3/4 of the day but will probably still pile on the guilt at the idea of having a sitter in the late afternoons/early evenings.

Experience: 1995-Present

Calendar Manager, Family of Four. Effectively scheduled academic, social and enrichment activities for two children.

Included birthday parties, basketball and soccer practices and games, music lessons, drama rehearsals, piano lessons and recitals, yoga lessons, gymnastics, swim lessons, summer day camps, play dates, sleepovers, school 1/2 days and vacations, and dental and medical appointments.

Head Buyer. In charge of purchasing all items in the nourishment, fashion, household, gift, automotive, pet supply, literature and personal care categories. Interacted with traditional and Internet vendors approximately three times a day for duration of position.

Head of Animal Husbandry. Responsible for care, feeding and medical treatment for two dogs, four fish (no longer in service) and a hamster. Adept at wayward pet tracking and collection, long-haired pet grooming and dog-breath prevention.

Personnel Director. Solely responsible for recruiting, hiring, scheduling, training and paying 32 baby sitters, four nannies, three house cleaners and a gardener. Highly skilled at frequently rotating personnel to avoid burnout.

Solid and Liquid Waste Manager. Included hazardous materials handling, and training 2-year-olds on self-directed

waste management techniques.

General Contractor. Coordinated renovation of former urban crack den, greatly improving habitability for family of

four. Included exterior rubble removal and installation of perpetually renewable landscaping. Ongoing project.

Class Mom. Provided carpool, snack and silent auction coordination for two grade-school classes. Wiped pizza off of

20 faces before the winter pageant. Sat on 30 5-year-olds during teachers’ luncheons. Attempted authentic replication of cupcakes from magazines on several occasions.

Teacher. Taught academic subjects, including reading and writing. Also instructed on deportment and conduct, fair division of resources, rotating use of resources and the importance of letting the instructor go to the bathroom by herself.

Top-flight Negotiator/Arbitrator. Successfully negotiated meal consumption, regular sleeping patterns, bathing and not going out of the house naked with balky team members. Showed that candidate is not timid about using threats, bribery and intimidation when called for.

Comptroller/Bookkeeper/Accountant. Managed accounts with only a few incidents of overdrafts or IRS intervention.

Volunteer. All of above positions and activities were unpaid and also non tax-deductible. Can provide proof of Social Security statements rife with $0.00s, upon request.

Skills:

Getting more done by 9 a.m. than most people do all day.

Multi-tasking-Candidate did all of the above jobs at the same time.

Teamwork-Candidate did all of the above jobs while supervising and training team members who didn’t know how to tie their own shoes.

Hobbies:

Dieting

Finding just the right color for the dining room walls