Warning: Traffic Jam in Aisle 3
In the you-think-you-have-problems category, a reader wrote the Palisadian-Post to complain about cellphone yakkers who slow down traffic -- in the aisles of local food stores. Coming soon: supermarket SigAlerts?
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What won’t they think of next: An ad for a wheat-powered car caught the eye of Doris Walton of Camarillo (see accompanying).
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Kids, don’t read this: There’s no self-defense for the boo-boo that Wes Hoffmaster of Whittier came across at a local church (see photo).
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Can’t we negotiate? Ivan Light of Claremont noticed an ad for a property that includes a human being (see photo).
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Razor-sharp humor: “Poplorica,” a witty history of offbeat cultural phenomena, naturally found several L.A. connections.
Authors Martin Smith and Patrick Kiger trace the combative talk shows of today back to Joe Pyne, an ex-Marine with a wooden leg who stunned (and attracted) listeners with his insults in the 1950s and ‘60s.
“Go gargle with razor blades!” was a suggestion he gave to countless callers on radio stations KABC and KLAC. Soon he had a syndicated TV show -- proof that the formula worked.
Occasionally his guests were able to spar with him. Pyne once barked to rock guitarist Frank Zappa, “I guess your long hair makes you a woman.” Replied Zappa: “I guess your wooden leg makes you a table.”
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Transsexual swimmers: Some of the featured performers in the Weird, Wild and Wonderful exhibit opening May 21 at the Aquarium of the Pacific in Long Beach:
* Binturong: Emits a smell similar to buttered popcorn, though not as tasty.
* Crested auklets: Give off a tangerine smell during breeding season.
* Frogfish: Walks on the ocean floor and captures prey with a tiny fishing pole on its head.
* Sawfish: Uses its saw-like snout to capture prey.
* Wrasses and other fish: Change their sexes. Feel right at home in Southern California.
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Such a deal: Harvey Geller of Tarzana spotted an ad that said: “Paint Your Truck for the Price of a Car.” Said Geller: “My Toyota Camry cost about $20,000, a bit too much to pay for painting my Ford truck.”
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Food for thought: Barbara Silbert of West L.A. used a credit card for a purchase and noticed that her receipt said, “No Returns/Credit/Exchanges After 30 Days.”
Said Silbert: “I was surprised to find out I had the next 30 days to return that foot-long seafood ‘n’ crab sandwich.” She’d made the purchase at a Subway eatery.
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Mondegreen of the day: For your mislistening pleasure, Sylvie Quittman of Laguna Woods and Phil Luke of Palm Desert both confess they thought Neil Diamond’s song was “Reverend Blue Jeans” not “Forever in Blue Jeans.”
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miscelLAny: The big question in the Lakers-Spurs playoff series, Bob Hille of the Sporting News writes, is: “Can Kobe make L.A. forget his off-court problems? More important, can the Spurs make San Antonio forget Billy Bob Thornton as Davy Crockett?”
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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012, and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.