One big happy play group

When Kimberley Clayton Blaine and her husband Lee go out for the evening, they don’t call a baby sitter for son Travis, age 3. They call one of the aunties in Travis’ play group, who may bring her own child over to play for an hour before bedtime.

“When my friend Millie comes over, she’s Auntie Millie,” says Blaine. “Travis sees her as family, and is comfortable with her. When it’s time to go to sleep, her husband will come and take their child home, and she’ll put Travis to bed. The next weekend, we’ll swap and baby-sit for them.”

In a city where people don’t necessarily live near relatives, the comfort of family isn’t always readily at hand. For couples like the Blaines, the play group has become more than get-togethers in the park. These groups are part of today’s extended family, and members share in one another’s lives as if they were blood relatives.

Bringing a newborn home? Play group moms will deliver home-cooked meals to help you get a little rest. Need advice on how to deal with teething? Call a mom in the support group. Trying to juggle motherhood and work at home? Set up a Mommy Fair with other work-at-home moms to peddle your wares.

The smaller the play group, says Blaine, the closer the relationships are among moms. The goal of the Bungalow Heaven Play Group, which Blaine started two years ago in Pasadena, is to help members bond with two or three other moms in subgroups, which then become true extended families.

“We have auntie and uncle names for the three moms in my subgroup,” says Blaine. “We’re on the phone to each other all the time. We’re all part of each other’s birthdays and holidays.”

Play groups are set up for three age groups -- infants, toddlers and school-age children. Expectant moms are invited to join the infant group so that they can get to know other members and see how babies interact early on.

“The typical first-time mom feels her infant doesn’t need socialization until they see signs of walking and talking, but actually, infants are highly social,” says Blaine, a child and family therapist. “The play group is not just play. It’s time for socialization with other babies and adults, and provides mothers with a support system.”

Progressive dinners are organized every few months, with families moving from one house to another for different courses. “The parents feel like they’ve gone out for a great dinner ... without having issues with child care,” says Blaine.

One of the newest activities is a kung fu fitness class taught by Irene Yung, a former banker and mother of two.

“When I gave up my job, I was at a loss for people to talk to,” says Yung, a longtime practitioner of the Northern Shaolin style of kung fu. “Through the play group, I found women I had things in common with. A lot of the moms were interested in martial arts, but were too intimidated to go to a studio.”

So once a week, up to 20 parents and kids gather in Yung’s backyard to stretch, kick and do various martial arts exercises.

“I started the class because I want to raise my children to learn about contributing to community,” says Yung. “The relationships we’ve formed through the play group are wonderful. When my aunt passed away a few months ago, I needed help with baby-sitting, and people came forward. The group really got me through a very difficult time.”

Nationwide, there are countless numbers of play groups from local neighborhood start-ups to formal chapters of national organizations such as the MOMS Club (Moms Offering Moms Support -- www.momsclub.org) or Mothers & More (www.mothersandmore.org).

In many instances, play groups are often organized around common traits that go beyond neighborhood boundaries. Parents of twins, for example, say only those who also have multiples know what it’s really like to raise youngsters who may look alike but aren’t the same.

“We had someone contact us from Australia who wanted to borrow some baby things when their family came to visit L.A., and several of us in the club were able to help her,” says Lori Kalman, president of the San Fernando Valley Mothers of Multiples Club, one of dozens of clubs for mothers of multiples in Southern California. “There’s always a twin challenge when traveling. My advice to moms is to mail the porta-cribs and strollers ahead of time, or rent them there.”

Kalman says the group, which includes 104 members and 40 expectant moms, has helped her with both practical problems and personal dilemmas since she gave birth to 2-year-old twins Cyan and Dane.

“When my kids were a year old, a friend was trying to conceive a child, and they were asking for an egg donor,” says Kalman, a Northridge resident. “The donor would have to take fertility drugs before the eggs were extracted. We have a lot of members in the group who had had in vitro fertilization, and I e-mailed the group asking for feedback.”

Fifteen moms responded. “I was able to ask them really personal questions, and they were happy to answer,” says Kalman, who went through the procedure for her friend, now three months pregnant with twins.

For Sherie Petrie, becoming a stay-at-home mom and raising five children was a full-time task, and somewhat lonely.

“A lot of times, when we go to support groups we’re the only black mothers there,” says Petrie, who now volunteers as the Los Angeles chapter president of Mocha Moms Inc. “Now, I’m with Latino, Jewish, black and biracial mothers in our group, and there are no color lines. A real sisterhood has developed, and some of the members have become part of my extended family.”