The Upside to Backsides
Finally, researchers have uncovered news from the past that many of us find we’ve been eagerly awaiting. There is an evolutionary reason for our extraordinarily large rear ends. For millenniums, the only explanation seemed to be that early humans did a lot of ice skating and weren’t very good at it.
But now we know, according to an article in Nature, that big butts made humans good runners. Instead of evolving as backside cushions because early man laid around the cave watching pictographs, substantive bottoms became a bodily counterbalance to the forward leaning required by long-distance running. Without a big bulge back there, we’d all fall forward. That’s welcome news as the Thanksgiving table awaits.
The researchers analyzed what was left of ancient human bodies and concluded that the ability to run long distances was a driving force shaping the modern human anatomy. Running developed some about 2 million years ago, and enabled early humans to chase, hunt and reach sooner the supplies and types of foods and proteins that helped the further evolution of human characteristics, such as large brains. Running far and well also allowed escape from large, looming things well before muggers.
Long legs and Achilles tendons, not necessary for walking and absent in most species, combined with large joints, arched feet, amply muscled buttocks, sweat glands and heads controlled by tendons and shaped for cooling. Humans have marathon bodies. Other creatures are more 10K types.
Because of the dearth of mass transportation 4 million years ago, humanoids shed familiar monkey-like movements and posture and began walking erect. This was partly in response to clothing ads (get rid of those old-fashioned monkey suits). But while many creatures walk and some sprint far faster than humans, few have the endurance to run long distances, except for dogs dragging leashes. This running ability enabled the species to survive better but cost it the physical ability to live in, move through and climb trees after age 8. This explains the evolution of elevators. It also explains humans’ fondness for running; we’re good at it.
Our language is replete with running references even when it involves a refrigerator or car -- running out to the store, running low on gas, money, patience, running off at the mouth, running into each other, running around town or just plain running around.
Casual footwear used only for walking is still called running shoes. Many humans without errands will seek to run on indoor machines; treadmills never caught on with less-developed creatures (except maybe hamsters), who still think running should involve a destination. Like, on this feast day, all the way to the couch.
