Gorging on movies: a holiday itinerary

You’re back in town visiting the family. Or the family is in town visiting you. At some point during the holiday you may notice that the folks next to you, or across from you, are warming up to their own personal civil war, sans muskets. How best to deal with the bad chemistry that is sometimes a Thanksgiving byproduct?

Here’s where Hollywood, that tired target of societal contempt, can actually be credited with helping families and friendships survive. Lead your loved ones into one big room, turn out the lights and force them to stop talking for 90 minutes or so. It sounds almost like therapy, doesn’t it? Besides, why else would everyone start Thanksgiving dinner in the middle of the afternoon if not to escape to a movie by evening. Here’s a four-day survival plan:

Today

Step away from the sweet potatoes and go look at the family featured in “Tarnation,” at the Regency Academy 6 (1003 E. Colorado Blvd, Pasadena, [626] 229-9400), which could very well make yours seem normal by comparison. In the film, the mother is a schizophrenic whose personality has been destroyed by hundreds of shock therapy treatments and who is now living in her son’s spare room. Or watch “Alexander” at the ArcLight Cinerama Dome and be grateful that your family has less-insane hair.

Friday

The Day After Thanksgiving only looks like a holiday. The busiest shopping day of the year is a brutal marathon of pain and loss. Suggestion: Dive right into the belly of the beast. The Westfield Century City mall (10250 Santa Monica Blvd., Century City, [310] 289-4AMC), Santa Monica’s Third Street Promenade and the Grove are all good places to let the shopping fever seize your soul and warp your brain.

When you can’t take it any longer, stop off for a break at the nearest theater (AMC 14, Loews Broadway or the Pacific Stadium 14, respectively) for the film equivalent of a bubble bath: “Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason.” Those who can’t handle getting malled (i.e., men) can hie to the rugged New Beverly for “Delicatessen,” a brilliant visual feast of a dystopian future, and then stay for “Amelie,” because, admit it, deep down you’re hopeless romantics too.

Then after battling or dodging the hordes all day, relax and unwind by watching other people drink fine bottles of wine in “Sideways.” Men, this is an excellent date movie, because you will look like a prince compared with the two knuckleheads in the film. The ArcLight Cinemas will feature the movie all weekend in its “21+” show, which means you can buy a glass of wine at the bar and take it into the theater. Do yourself a favor: Skip the Merlot.

Saturday

Kids are nature’s Sensurround. If you don’t have any, consider borrowing a couple to bring to “The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie” at Grauman’s Chinese (6925 Hollywood Blvd., Hollywood, [323] 464-6266) for a Saturday matinee. They might not appreciate the grandeur of Grauman’s, and their ignorance -- who is Gary Cooper, indeed -- as they pass through the courtyard will make you wince, but their appreciation of a few good underpants jokes will carry you through the movie on a sea of giggles.

At night, it’s time to get to the meatier fare. “Kinsey” is playing on two screens at Landmark’s NuWilshire Theatre (1314 Wilshire Blvd., Santa Monica, (310) 281-8223), giving you ample opportunities to see the man in action. Remarkable how interesting a biopic about a scientist can be when the science happens to involve sex. Or you can change the subject and see “Finding Neverland” at the Westwood Crest, a little palace that J.M. Barrie himself surely would have loved.

Sunday

You could just hang out on the couch and read the paper. But reading requires so many brainwaves, and it’s still a holiday. Go see a documentary instead. It counts as thinking, only easier. Head to the Nuart for “Guerrilla: The Taking of Patty Hearst,” a fascinating examination of a media-circus ‘70s-style.

Or indulge yourself in one of the best activities Los Angeles has to offer. That’s right, it’s time to call up a relative back East and compare temperature and barometer readings. That holiday tradition out of the way, it’s time to actually appreciate the weather. So jump in the car, drive up PCH and admire that beautiful coastline. Then go back to ignoring it, head into downtown Ventura and celebrate your successful road trip by watching “Motorcycle Diaries” at the Century Downtown 10 (555 E. Main St., Ventura, [805] 641-6500).

Or, try the desert. The American Cinematheque is showing the classic “Lawrence of Arabia” at the Egyptian at 2 p.m.

Sunday night sits like a lump in the throat. How best to gird yourself for the coming workday, to give yourself a sense of strength you don’t feel? Head out to “The Incredibles.” Sure, bring the kids; there’s enough empowerment for the whole family. Your choice: the El Capitan, with the floor show, or the Bridge, with leather seats and in-house bar. But if you find yourself at your desk on Monday, fantasizing about throwing your boss through three walls, remember: It was only a movie.