The secrets of success -- for only five bucks a head

They screamed, danced and slithered along the floor. They swatted beach balls, thumb-wrestled with their seatmates and listened to speeches by Gen. Tommy Franks, comedian Jerry Lewis and former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani.

The occasion was a “Get Motivated” seminar at the Staples Center earlier this week. (Next stop is Anaheim on Nov. 15 and 16.)

Lured by newspaper and radio ads, as well as fliers sent to local businesses, 16,000 people swarmed the arena Tuesday to hear advice on leadership, success and wealth.

The average ticket price? Just five bucks.

Naturally, there was a catch. The daylong seminar was part pep rally, part tent revival and part infomercial for two get-rich programs.

Most of the celebrity talks -- including a session with former prisoner of war Jessica Lynch, who hobbled on stage with a silvery cane -- were reserved for later in the day. Confetti and standing ovations greeted the headliners, who held the audience spellbound with lessons on leadership and perseverance.

The event kicked off at 8 a.m. with indoor fireworks, a live rendition of the national anthem and emcee Tamara Lowe -- wife of seminar organizer Peter Lowe -- bounding onstage to pump up the crowd.

“You are the movers and shakers,” she shouted. “We have a fantastic day planned for you.”

Vitamin guru Earl Mindell was the opening act, offering advice for staying healthy. His tips included avoiding junk food (“Twinkies have a longer shelf life than you do”) and pretending to conduct a symphony (the flailing motion builds upper body strength, he said, and “orchestra conductors have long lives”).

Mindell was followed by a former Microsoft executive, a mass thumb-wrestling match, a dance contest, a shower of beach balls and a former rock star. Leon Patillo, who quit the band Santana after becoming a Christian, pranced around the stage and led the audience in a chant: “I am a great swimmer. I was the first sperm out of all the millions of sperm to reach the egg. I am a miracle!”

Another speaker, sales expert Tom Hopkins, gave lessons on coaxing reluctant customers to part with their cash. Avoid phrases like “down payment,” he suggested. Instead, say “initial investment.” And don’t ask customers to “sign” a “contract.” Ask them to “OK” some “paperwork.”

Many audience members worked in sales, but there were also contingents from the military and U.S. Forest Service.

One of the chief reasons they came was author Zig Ziglar, 77, a former aluminum-pan peddler who has been called “the success industry’s answer to Mick Jagger” because of the way he “prowls and gestures around the stage.”

“He’s like a god,” cooed Meg Taniuchi, a 38-year-old consultant who listens to motivational tapes every day.

With his distinctive Southern drawl, Ziglar served up a stream of proverbs, stories and gentle humor:

* “Money’s not the most important thing in life, but it is reasonably close to oxygen.”

* “I read the newspaper every day and I read the Bible every day. That way I know what both sides are up to.”

* “You change what you are by what you put in your mind.”

* “If man can take moldy bread and make penicillin ... just think what almighty God can make out of you.”

* “I like what money buys, but I love what money can’t buy. Money will buy me a bed, but it won’t buy me a good night’s sleep.... You can’t get the things money won’t buy without character.”

After the talk, Ziglar headed for the lobby to autograph some of the books and tapes he had for sale. Prices for his lecture series ranged from $149 for a basic motivational package to $649 for “Zig’s Whole Shootin’ Match.”

While Ziglar greeted fans, Peter Lowe commandeered the spotlight and invoked a moment of silence for the late Christopher Reeve, who had been scheduled to appear at the seminar to discuss “Turning Your Setbacks Into Comebacks.”

Lowe, an energetic redhead whose parents were missionaries in India, spent a few minutes exploring “the spiritual side of success.” Faith in Jesus, he concluded, is the key to true success and weathering the storms of life.

A few seminar-goers seemed put off by such religious references. Reacting to Ziglar’s comment that “our DNA is different from monkeys -- Adam and Eve really did start it all,” Barbara Sladky grumbled, “What does that have to do with motivation?”

But others welcomed the spiritual undertones. “I like that it’s Christ-centered,” said Daryl Laws Jr. of Gardena.

In an interview before Tuesday’s seminar, Lowe said he felt it would be “irresponsible” to host a seminar on success and leave out the spiritual dimension. “I honestly believe if we didn’t include that, we would not be here today.”

Of course, having Phil Town on the bill doesn’t hurt either. The onetime Grand Canyon river guide hopped onstage at 2 p.m. with a compelling pitch for a stock market investment system. As he outlined how it worked, e-mail testimonials flashed across Jumbotron screens inside the arena.

Sign up today, he said, and the normal $5,600 price will be slashed to $495, including six months of free access to a special website that tracks when to buy and sell stocks (after the free period, access costs $598 a year).

As soon as Town wrapped up his 50-minute spiel, about a third of the audience bolted from their seats and stampeded to the sales booths.

Others remained skeptical.

“Obviously, they’re not going to show us the e-mails that say, ‘I just lost my life savings,’ ” said Jason, a 27-year-old who declined to give his last name.

But Pamela Clay, a 40-year-old Los Angeles resident who said she has attended previous Lowe seminars and used Town’s program, endorsed the system: “I made enough money to buy a second house.”

Investment expert Peter Navarro, author of “If It’s Raining in Brazil, Buy Starbucks,” said in a telephone interview later that the tools described by Town are available free on Yahoo and other websites. “This is the oldest idea in the world,” he said. “The tools often work, but sometimes they fail spectacularly. It’s dangerous for people.”

Town’s pitch -- along with a similar get-rich real estate program offered at the end of the day -- are the bread and butter of “Get Motivated” seminars.

Although Lowe insisted his primary goal is to inspire people with uplifting messages from celebrities, he readily acknowledged he’d go out of business without selling additional classes, mailing lists, personal coaching sessions and other products.

The cost of staging Tuesday’s event at Staples, for example, was $1 million to $2 million, he said. But ticket sales brought in just a fraction of that amount, about $100,000.

To make up the difference, he has to intersperse the celebrity speeches with a few commercial interruptions, he said.

The formula seems to work. Lowe’s Florida-based company, LifeWin, sponsors about two dozen “Get Motivated” seminars a year.

And the roster of past speakers includes such luminaries as former presidents Reagan and Clinton, quarterback Joe Montana, singer Johnny Cash, comedian Bill Cosby, former Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev, Rabbi Harold Kushner and boxer George Foreman.

Some of the speeches Tuesday had little or nothing to do with motivation.

Comedian Lewis, who was supposed to discuss “Using Humor to Create Agreement, Close the Deal and Advance in Your Career,” instead spent 20 minutes rattling off one-liners and showing highlights from his telethon appearances.

And Franks, who received his four-star rank from President Clinton, offered an engaging mix of humor and patriotic themes.

Referring to the Middle Eastern nations under his jurisdiction as “the pleasure spots on our planet,” he devoted the bulk of his 35-minute talk to defending the war against Iraq.

He closed with an anecdote about being 14 years old and reading a book on a famous Roman emperor. “It said Julius Caesar was a general, he made long speeches and they killed him.” Franks paused for effect, then added, “I’m done with my speech.” The crowd roared.

The biggest welcome was reserved for Giuliani, who stepped onstage amid a storm of confetti, fireworks and Frank Sinatra’s “New York, New York.”

His topic: “How to Lead in Difficult Times.” He stressed such principles as teamwork, preparation, strong core beliefs, courage and a positive outlook. “To be a leader, you have to be an optimist,” he said. “People follow hopes, dreams ... and solutions to problems.”

Like much of the wisdom heard Tuesday, Giuliani’s advice wasn’t exactly revolutionary. But that didn’t seem to bother the crowd.

People come to these events for a morale boost, said Jone L. Pearce, a professor of management at UC Irvine. Especially if they work in sales, they occasionally need a refresher course to get “fired up to face tomorrow.... If people didn’t get anything of value from such seminars, the organizers wouldn’t be able to sell tickets.”