FUEL ‘JOKES’

A woman in Kettering, Ohio, gave birth to a baby at a gas station. Apparently, now when you fill up your tank they take your firstborn.... -- Jay Leno

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You know what movie I watched last night? I hadn’t seen it in, like, 20 years: “Mad Max Road Warrior.” Remember that film, the Mel Gibson movie where gasoline is so precious that people are killing each other for just a few gallons? It’s set sometime in the future. I think it was the summer of 2005.

-- Jay Leno

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This morning on the United States Senate floor, John Kerry blasted the administration for high gas prices. He said gas is so expensive, he may have to marry Bill Gates.

-- Jay Leno

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To those who keep pushing the whole electric car thing: Most electricity in this country is generated by burning coal -- which pollutes rivers and streams and kills fish. Or by hydroelectric dams -- which kill fish. Or by huge windmills, which kill flying fish. Just admit once and for all: It’s not oil you hate, it’s fish.

-- Dennis Miller