Malibu: How the Other Half Leases
I’ve got good news for those of you who haven’t yet planned your summer beach vacation. The smart shopper can sunbathe like a celebrity because great rental deals are available for the taking on the majestic, world-famous shores of Malibu.
“This one ordinarily gets 55 to 70,” Irene Dazzan-Palmer was telling me in the living room of a modern two-story that has the Pacific Ocean for a backyard. “No, put down 75.”
When Dazzan-Palmer says 55, 70 and 75, she means thousands of dollars.
Per month.
But those are high-season numbers, and they start to fall in September. If you move quickly and play a little hardball, you might be able to grab Dazzan-Palmer’s Malibu Colony listing for a mere $50,000 a month.
“This goes downstairs and takes you out to the beach on the Tom Hanks side,” Dazzan-Palmer said.
See there? Fifty grand and you’re tossing a football on the beach with Tom Hanks, unless he’s in one of his other houses.
“I’ve gotten $120,000 in the colony,” said Dazzan-Palmer. “I mean, I’ve gotten big numbers.... But after Labor Day, the prices come down. I have a house on Malibu Road where we’re asking $50,000, and then it drops down to $40,000 and $30,000.”
How could I say no to a bargain like that?
My interest in a Malibu rental began while reading the real estate listings in The Times, a regular source of weekend entertainment at my house. I always feel better about myself when I see an overpriced $20-million house and wonder who would buy such a tacky place.
At the bottom of the sales listings for Malibu, there’s often a rental or two in the $10,000-to-$40,000 range. I found that to be astounding enough, but then my colleague Ruth Ryon wrote about Sting and Pierce Brosnan renting out their places for more than $100,000, while Ted Danson and Mary Steenburgen get $80,000 a month.
Could I really be happy, I wondered, in a rental that cost a mere $10,000?
I got hold of Lee LaPlante, a Coldwell Banker agent, who said it was definitely possible. She said she could put me in a charming little two-bedroom on the Pacific Coast Highway for $6,900 a month. At that price, though, you’ve got to wonder what kind of riffraff is running loose in the neighborhood.
When I get my place, I’m going the same route David Geffen did before he finally caved in under pressure from the California Coastal Commission and opened the gates. If anyone tries to set one toe on my beach, I’ll have lawyers chasing them all the way home to Glendora. I don’t care if it is public property, and I may bring in guards on three-wheelers -- like so many high-rollers do -- to patrol the perimeter.
LaPlante hooked me up with her colleague, Dazzan-Palmer, who invited me to see a $29,500 rental on Malibu Road before we visited the $55,000-$75,000 place in the colony. I arrived at the house before she did, and the chef/house manager gave me a quick tour.
Unfortunately the chef/house manager doesn’t come with the house. She works for the guy who rented it for the summer and commutes by private jet to Las Vegas, where he owns several nightclubs. I should have been a nightclub owner.
I’d say the house is quite nice, especially the in-law cottage with the second-floor ocean view. But swimmers beware. For $29,500, can’t someone get all those rocks up off the beach?
Dazzan-Palmer finally arrived with the widow of a celebrity, and I’m sworn to secrecy as to her identity. The widow lives near Zuma Beach in Malibu but is having work done -- on the house, not herself, I don’t think -- so she’s interested in a rental on the beach.
Not uncommon, says Dazzan-Palmer. Although renters come from all over the country and the world, many come from hillside houses in Malibu or from other parts of Los Angeles.
“They’re from Beverly Hills, Brentwood ... I’ve got one guy staying outside the colony gates, he’s a grape grower from Palm Springs with a house in Beverly Hills.”
But he decided to get his kids out of the horrible heat of Beverly Hills and rent a $55,000-a-month beach house. Geez, maybe I could get out of the horrible heat of Silver Lake and rent his place in Beverly Hills.
“We have over a dozen billionaires that live here now,” Dazzan-Palmer said of Malibu. “People want to come here because of all the wealthy people here. It’s like a little chic place, like a little Carmel. Around the country, people see that everybody’s in Malibu, and they say, ‘We’re going, too.’ ”
I thought I overheard someone saying Jane Seymour once rented the $29,500 house, but the widow wasn’t bowled over. Dazzan-Palmer suggested we all drive over to the other house.
“The colony is great,” she said.
“The colony is so cool,” said another agent.
“Follow me,” Dazzan-Palmer said. “I’m in the Jaguar.”
I’m in the Honda. Behind me, the widow is in a Range Rover the size of the Los Angeles Coliseum.
“Should we name-drop?” Dazzan-Palmer asked when we entered the house next to the Tom Hanks house, which is not far from the Mel Brooks house and the Jim Carrey house.
“Diana Ross stayed here. George Foreman. Tori Spelling.”
I’m sworn to secrecy again, but one of those three called Dazzan-Palmer one night when she was home in her pajamas. Dazzan-Palmer picked up the phone and heard a very whiny: “I can’t work the ‘ja-cooo-zy.’ ”
Dazzan-Palmer had to get dressed, drive all the way down from her 6,000-square-foot, two-story, white neoclassical next to the castle up on the hill -- I should have been a real estate agent -- and into the colony, where she knocked on the door, walked over to the Jacuzzi, pushed the button and said, “There, now it’s on.”
I’ll give you one clue: It wasn’t George Foreman.
So, I asked Dazzan-Palmer, “Who owns this joint?”
“He invented the ear plug,” she said, pointing at her ear.
He did what?
“You know when you walk into a noisy factory and you put those foam rubber things in your ears? That’s him.”
Doesn’t it tick you off? Any dope could have come up with that thing, including me.
I should have been an inventor.
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Reach the columnist at steve.lopez@latimes.com and read previous columns at latimes.com/lopez
