Military Spouse’s Hard Work Draws President’s Praise

Law school student Kathryn Ostapuk is fast becoming an authority on the favorite brand of baby wipes of U.S. troops in Iraq.

The practical needs of the military are constantly on her mind.

In the past year, the 24-year-old San Diego woman has spent hundreds of hours helping military families get advice on things such as dealing with post-traumatic stress disorder and welcoming service members home from overseas tours.

Ostapuk does this as a volunteer for the nonprofit MarineParents.com website.

As a young military wife, she knows firsthand how overwhelming it is to wonder whether a serviceman or woman is safe. And she knows how painful telephone blackouts can be.

Her husband, Marine Cpl. John Sylvester, recently returned from a tour of duty in Iraq. “Without this site, I honestly believe I would have fallen apart while he was there,” she said.

Now her mission is to make sure other wives, girlfriends, parents and friends survive the ordeal of having a loved one in a combat zone overseas.

Ostapuk’s efforts have come to the attention of President Bush, who in December held a private ceremony at Miramar Naval Air Station to congratulate her for her dedication.

“He thanked me for everything I do for the military. He said he will do everything he can for them too,” she recalled. Bush presented her with the President’s Volunteer Service Award, part of a program to increase the spirit of volunteerism in America.

Ostapuk was nominated for the honor by MarineParents.com’s founder, Tracy Della Vecchia of Missouri.

“I’m actually a Democrat,” Ostapuk said, chuckling. But Bush’s people “didn’t ask about that when they called me.”

After Sylvester was deployed to Iraq a year ago, Ostapuk felt adrift emotionally.

“I had no friends and had just moved to Southern California from Arizona,” where she grew up, she said.

Her few local acquaintances had trouble understanding her worry when she didn’t hear from Sylvester in a week.

“They’d say, ‘Well, deal with it,’ which didn’t help a lot,” she said.

An acquaintance suggested she check out MarineParents.com.

“All of a sudden, everyone was my best friend. It was the most warm and caring group of people I had ever met in my life,” she said. “I stayed in the chat room until 4 a.m. that first day.”

She found a bulletin board for her husband’s platoon.

The next day she received 30 e-mails from friends and relatives of Marines also assigned to his Iraqi base, offering their sympathy and advice.

Within a month, Ostapuk applied to be one of about 30 trained volunteers who help operate the site.

Soon she was moderating a chat room exploring topics such as military-dependent insurance, the best hotels near Marine bases, and how to handle a phone call when the Marine sounds stressed out.

“When I first joined the website, it was a lifesaver for me,” Ostapuk said. “Every time someone new joins, I feel like if I can give them what they gave me, that’s what makes me happy.”

She does her volunteer work from the apartment she shares with Sylvester, a jet communications technician stationed at Miramar.

She attends nearby California Western School of Law and hopes for a career as an international transaction attorney.

Information posted on the website serves as an emotional relief valve at every turn. “When we hear news, like if there’s been an ambush, we can go on the message board and see, ‘I got a call from my boyfriend. All the guys are OK,’ ” Ostapuk said.

At other times, loved ones mention that a certain platoon needs razors or undershirts.

Sometimes, seemingly innocuous messages must be withheld or delayed.

“There are a lot of rules,” said Ostapuk. “We can’t say what time a Marine called. Then the bad guys will know that the phones are open and the Marines are all standing in line and it might be a good time to send a mortar over the wall.”

When the Marine Corps announces or acknowledges an attack has occurred, MarineParents.com visitors are allowed to post basic information.

Much advice centers on how to handle sticky emotional situations.

“Phone calls are few and far between,” Ostapuk said. “There’s a lot of stress. There’s a lot of arguments that happen.”

Ostapuk also writes letters to Marines who lack supportive family members, and sends care packages to troops. Top-requested items are beef jerky, cookies, candy, powdered juice and baby wipes “because they don’t get to shower a lot.”

In return, she often receives thank-you letters from Marines. Their family members sometimes take her to dinner when they come through town.

Ostapuk wasn’t in favor of the U.S. invasion of Iraq, but she firmly believes in backing the military effort.

“Before the Iraq war, I didn’t think we needed to go in so quickly,” she said. “Now that it’s happened, we need to deal with it, and everyone’s opinions of the war need to be set aside. It really wouldn’t do justice to all the troops that have lost their lives or been injured if we don’t finish the job.”

Because of the demands of law school, Ostapuk has had to cut back her volunteering from 30 hours a week to 20.

Still, she strongly believes everyone can find time in their busy schedules for a good cause.

“Every little bit helps,” she said. “I think if everyone in this country would spend a few hours a week volunteering, we would all be better off,” she said.