Subtracting Shock Value, Some Ads Don’t Add Up
One does not invest in the glorious gizmo known as TiVo to fast forward through games in order to get to the commercials; it’s supposed to work the other way around.
Yet, the chance to dissect a slew of 30-second, $2.4-million advertising spots during the Super Bowl comes around, well, only once a year, and so for one day having to make game-time bathroom break adjustments seemed a small price to pay.
The theme of this year’s crop of Super Bowl ads was clear: tone it down and don’t make Grandma cringe or Uncle Ernie lunge for the remote control button, unless you can provide a detailed medical explanation for making millions of Americans uncomfortable to the musical backdrop of “Be My Baby.”
There were no wardrobe “malfunctions” this year, but there was a painful, when’s-it-going-to-end third-quarter segment on “dysfunction.”
Clearly, with the memory of Janet Jackson’s halftime act etched in minds and the FCC log, this year’s Super Bowl commercials took a conciliatory back-step to a more innocent time when television commercials promoted things like Lucky Strike cigarettes and 10-ton automobiles with sling-blades for tail fins and no seat belts.
The upside: There were no commercials this year featuring flatulent horses or crotch-grabbing frogs. And, thankfully, for the benefit of mankind, Fox pulled an ad that would have featured 80-something Mickey Rooney’s naked rear end in a cold-remedy commercial.
We can only wonder whether Rooney’s rear was the cold remedy.
The bad news: The Super Bowl ads seemed a bit flat, as if addled under an Orwellian influence.
Naturally, there were a truckload of automobile commercials, so many we thought Paul McCartney’s opening number in the halftime show, “Drive My Car,” was the night’s most brilliant and subtle cross promotion.
We kept waiting for Paul to sing, “Baby you can drive my Ford,” but he didn’t do it.
It seemed, though, that ad-makers were afraid to offend anyone or take chances, and that left somewhat of an artistic void.
Nothing in Sunday’s lineup, in our mind, left an indelible stamp like the ad featuring Magic Johnson and Larry Bird, or Budweiser’s “Wassup” gem in 2000, or that creepy-but-effective Apple ad that ran, once, in 1984.
Really, though, what did you expect this year for $80,000 a second?
Here are some of the Super Bowl commercials we thought hit the mark:
1. FedEx. Burt Reynolds goes from “Smokey and the Bandit” to Smokey Bear? Hey, it worked. FedEx cleverly pokes fun at the prospect of making the best possible Super Bowl commercial and it somewhat succeeds with its 10 items required, which include Reynolds hamming it up with a bear.
2. Zoo animals (Anheuser-Busch). “Now look what you started!” Last year, a donkey talked his way into becoming one of the Clydesdales and now other animals want in on the action.
3. Lays potato chips. Any commercial in which MC Hammer gets tossed over a fence can’t be bad, right? Especially if Hammer is willing to be part of his own joke.
4. Anheuser Busch’s “thank you” to troops. In this spot, travelers applaud American men and women as they walk through an airport. Powerful and understated, two things commercials most often are not.
5. Saucy Tabasco sauce girl. She’s wearing a bathing suit with Tabasco brand stamped all over it, yet she’s sun-burned only where her suit is touching her skin.
Now that’s spicy.
6. NFL Network. “The sun will come out tomorrow.” Joe Montana consoles Ben Roethlisberger and Jon Gruden screams at his kids in this hilarious bit about NFL players and coaches who didn’t make it to the Super Bowl this year.
7. Pepsi and iTunes. The music plays only when you twist off the cap on the Pepsi bottle. This would have been a better spot had Ashlee Simpson agreed to spoof her nightmarish, lip-syncing experiences.
8. Ameriquest. A man is preparing dinner for his date when his cat tips over the spaghetti sauce. The woman walks in with the guy holding up what looks to be a bloody cat. The kicker line: “Don’t judge too quickly.”
Ameriquest II: A man in a liquor store says “you’re getting robbed” to the person he’s talking to on his cellphone and the store manager thinks it’s a real stickup.
9. MasterCard. What’s not to like about a bit that features Mr. Peanut, Mr. Clean, Chef Boyardee and the Jolly Green Giant?
10. Cedric the Entertainer invents a new dance with this responsible and entertaining “designated driver” spot for Budweiser. This seemed like the perfect year for a public service announcement.
Five that left me flat:
1. Careerbuilder.com. Chimps, chimps and more chimps. I believe I have laughed all I can laugh at chimps who dress up as humans.
2. Frozen guy in Mustang. The guy’s stiff, dead as a doornail because the car company released its new convertible in the dead of winter. Who cannot see the humor in that?
3. Cialis. Sorry, FCC, but I’m 10 times more comfortable explaining Janet Jackson to my kids than what is going on in this 30-second spot.
4. “I am Diana Pearl.” What the you-know-what was this? Three former Chicago Bears and Dennis Rodman pitching for a tile company?
Was I dreaming?
5. Honda Ridgeline: “It’s not just another truck.”
Um, based on what I can tell, it may be just another truck.
