This Won’t Be a Yawner

It wasn’t a very long tournament for Retief Goosen, the fifth-ranked player in the world. In fact, the Nissan Open ended before it began when Goosen missed his pro-am tee time Wednesday and was disqualified.

Goosen was supposed to play at 6:40 a.m. but overslept and showed up late.

Goosen had been host of a party for Grey Goose vodka at Riviera Country Club on Tuesday evening. During the party, he told reporters, “I have never really drunk vodka, but I’ve had a few tonight. Somebody is going to have to drive me home.”

The drinks being served at the party were Cosmopolitans and Lemon Drops, both made with vodka.

In a press release passed out at the party, Goosen was quoted as saying, “I have long enjoyed the smooth taste of Grey Goose vodka and am pleased to have the brand join my team of supporters as I play on tour. This will be a lot of fun.”

Apparently not.

Said Mark Russell, the PGA Tour’s tournament director for competition and rules, “I wish there was something we could do, but it is black and white.” The tour made no connection between the party and the missed tee time.

Goosen, from South Africa, didn’t know the disqualification rule and was replaced in the pro-am by alternate Woody Austin, who would have been disqualified if he hadn’t shown. Austin wasn’t at the Grey Goose party.

John Elliott will replace Goosen in the tournament.

Goosen, the 2001 and 2004 U.S. Open champion, who hasn’t played since he tied for 56th at the Sony Open in Honolulu in January, now gets the rest of the week to prepare for next week’s $7.5-million Match Play Championship down the freeway at La Costa.

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Fact: Golf Digest and Golf Channel, along with teaching pro Dean Reinmuth, are looking for the world’s worst golf swing to see if they can correct it in a TV promotion.

Fiction: Johnny Miller has nominated Craig Parry.

Fact: Tiger Woods has a 29-inch waist.

Fiction: Tim Herron has a 29-inch waist in pictures when he was 12.

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Caddie Steve Williams is right-handed, but he does everything left-handed, such as picking up Woods’ clubs, holding the flagstick, holding the bag.

Throwing cameras?

“Right-handed,” Woods said.

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Woods, asked if he had a score in mind this week: “I figure if I birdie every hole, then I have a good chance.”

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Phil Mickelson is taking this week off, but he held a conference call Wednesday and spoke with reporters about next month’s Masters tournament.

He said he already had set a goal for Augusta, and it involved his closet.

“My main goal right now is to try to get that lonely jacket a little buddy to hang with,” he said.

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Tom Pulchinski, the Nissan Open tournament director, can probably expect a letter from Steve Pate, who asked for but was not given a sponsor’s exemption.

Pate, who was an All-American at UCLA and lives in Agoura Hills, said he understood the political pressures with the exemptions, but still was planning to send a tongue-in-cheek note to Pulchinski.

“I know I’m local, I know I went to UCLA, I know I’ve played before, I know I’ve been good for the tournament, so I really understand the reasons why I’m not invited,” Pate said. “Do you think Tom has a good sense of humor?”