When Children Do Bad Things

Re “Control Our Kids, You Say? We Can Only Do So Much,” Opinion, Feb. 20: Thank you, Sandy Banks, for balancing out the misconception that only bad parents have children who do things that get themselves in trouble -- and in Devin Brown’s case, end up dead. To take this mother to task is to lay tragedy upon tragedy. The best parents I know realize that parenthood has no guarantees. Yes, there are things we can learn. Yes, we need to remain alert and sniff out all of our suspicions with tempered judgment. But as Banks says, let us never forget that given the quirky twists of fate, Devin’s mother’s fate could be our own.

Kathleen E. Neff

Mira Loma

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In defending Devin Brown’s mother for losing control of her 13-year-old, Banks drops names of former law enforcement leaders with troubled children. Getting it right as a parent surely involves luck, but there is another element even more important -- respect. Respect for oneself, for others and for the law. Teaching a child respect is the responsibility of parents, and those lessons start at birth by example. It is the nature of children to stretch boundaries, and it is up to parents to make sure they don’t stretch them too far. Certainly, we can examine police procedures, but holding police, or society, answerable for parental malfunction is one more excuse in a laundry list of excuses, and it is one big lesson in undermining the law that is bound to lead to more tragedy.

While our hearts go out to this anguished mother, the fact remains that blaming anyone else for a parent’s failure to control a child is an example of abandoning personal responsibility that helps no one.

Joanne Law

Chatsworth

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Banks tells the unvarnished truth about the difficulty of raising children. Even if parents do everything by the book, they can still experience tragedy because the best parenting has limitations. Devin Brown is in the headlines solely because he was shot to death by police. But children don’t have to end up this way to be the source of enduring pain for parents.

There are forces beyond their control in the form of drug and alcohol addiction, mental illness and congenital disease that result in a life of profound sadness and guilt. So before we immediately condemn others, maybe we need to bear in mind that luck too plays a role in how children turn out.

Walt Gardner

Los Angeles

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Banks’ rationalization is so politically correct that it reeks of complete hypocrisy. Devin Brown was a 13-year-old boy who had no trepidation navigating a stolen vehicle at 4 a.m., running a red light, failing to stop for the police and speeding away to avoid arrest. When he was forced to stop, only due to his poor driving skills, he immediately attempted to back the automobile into the police officer’s vehicle. The fact that he was shot to death is a tragedy, but the other fact is, he was a juvenile delinquent.

Joseph Mirelli

Los Angeles

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The Times has printed several letters wondering why a 13-year-old was in the streets at 4 a.m. They question the lack of parental supervision and suggest that he was responsible for his own death. None mentioned the fact that the officer was not in danger and fired 10 shots, some of which were wild. I wonder if the victim had been their nephew or the next-door neighbor would their opinions have been the same. I believe that the parent was negligent and Devin Brown should not have been where he was. I also believe that he should not have died the way he did.

Arthur P. Nelson Jr.

North Hills