That thing you do just doesn’t do it for me

It’s the second date and you’ve sat across the table from this person for 90 minutes, laughing and talking, trading likes and dislikes (Brussels sprouts! Quentin Tarantino!). Things seem to be going well.

And then it happens: You notice something about the person that ends it all. It’s as if your eyes abruptly refocused, and phht, kaput. You know what I mean: the relationship deal-breaker.

I dated a man for a minute who began every sentence with the words “And it’s funny because ...” Try to imagine that. Every single sentence. I worried that I would eventually hear “And it’s funny because my mother died right then.”

I’m sure you’ve had similar experiences. The light coming through the restaurant window falls on your guy’s face in a certain way and he suddenly looks just like your dad’s sister (and she’s not even your favorite aunt). Or the woman you’re with keeps complimenting you -- in baby talk.

The issue, whatever it is, seems trivial when you try to explain it to your friends, but you’re the one who counts, and it makes your hair stand on end. (OK, your psychological hair. Actual L.A. hair doesn’t do that -- we use too much product -- but you experience a marked sense of unease.)

You’re a decent soul, so rather than excusing yourself and climbing out the bathroom window you continue to smile and talk, wishing you were home watching TV. Alone.

The deal-breaker can strike at any time. Maybe on the way out of the restaurant, he snags a toothpick and pops it into his mouth. Oh, ewww. You have a little internal fight with yourself: The toothpicks are provided for that purpose, after all; it’s not as if he picked up a French fry from the floor and put it in his mouth. You speak firmly to yourself. Don’t be so prissy.

Or, just as you’re beginning to think you’re in love, your date says, “If we don’t leave a tip we can afford dessert!”

We’ve all experienced that moment in the early days of a potential relationship when some idiosyncrasy comes to light and we know we’re not going to get past it.

Any of the details and quirks that make each of us unique can turn into a deal-breaker, deflating a romance faster than you can say “There’s mayonnaise on your lip.” What you experience at that moment is known as the “Hhhhh” factor. Your date does the weird thing and you give a little gasp, which sounds like “Hhhhh.”

The good news is that deal-breakers are in the eye of the beholder.

Every foible has a taker: Someone who finds it not only tolerable but also endearing. Furthermore, some relationships start off with enough electricity that the odd annoying habit doesn’t matter.

You know that sensation on a good first date, when you’re both thinking, “Wow,” and the air around you seems charged; you would swear you’re emitting sparks. This effect can cancel out a few potential deal-breakers. Or even three or four.

The thing to remember is that if your friends tell you you’re being “picky” or “superficial,” you should ignore them. When your psychological hair stands on end, this is your gut shouting at you, and it’s important to pay attention.

Attraction is not based on common sense; it’s mysterious and strange. Trust the deal-breaker.

Remember how Elvis Presley used to say “Mmmm” before everything?

“Mmmmbut I ... can’t ... help ... falling in love with you.” “Mmmmyou ain’t nothin’ but a hound dog.” The guy was undeniably hot (for somebody from the 1950s), and apparently the “Mmmm” thing drove people wild, including his wife.

But it could so easily have been a deal-breaker, couldn’t it? Picture them out on a date, ordering dinner.

Elvis: “Mmmmbring me a cheeseburger, rare. Mmmmpriscilla?”

Priscilla: “Hhhhhh.”

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Leni Fleming can be reached at weekend@latimes.com.