You’ve Got to Get Up Earl-y to Distract Dodgers

Sometimes I think I’m the only one pulling for the Dodgers to win.

My Dodger day began Saturday with the public address announcer asking the paying customers to watch the scoreboard for a commercial about an upcoming NBC show, “My Name is Earl.”

Then the Dodgers brought out a curvy actress starring on the show and had her throw out the first pitch. I was flabbergasted.

I would imagine the Dodgers made a good piece of change in advertising the sitcom and bringing out the babe, but it seemed kind of risky given the significance of the game against the first-place Padres.

Here you had a real looker on the mound to start the biggest game of the year, and knowing the roving eye of starting pitcher Derek Lowe, he easily could have been distracted.

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I’VE GOT to hand it to pitcher Brad Penny, though. He too seems to be doing his part to help the Dodgers win any way he can.

Penny bought $400 ringside tickets from Bob Arum for Saturday’s fights at Staples Center and then took as his date Alyssa Milano from “Charmed” fame -- with the obvious intention of trying to get her to lift the hex placed on the Dodgers.

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HARD TO believe I might be given bogus information by Fox, but the other night when Jeff Weaver made an obscene gesture that was caught by Fox cameras, a Fox employee said the gesture never made it on live TV.

When I mentioned that on Page 2 the next day, it resulted in a flood of e-mail from folks who had seen it on live TV. (The fact that so many people are still watching the Dodgers is disturbing.)

At the time I had no idea who his target might be, so I asked him and he said, “the game in general.” Frankly, I think Weaver has a career with Fox when he’s done playing baseball.

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I’VE KIND of made it a practice to ignore the music at Dodger Stadium, but Peter Rafter e-mailed, asking: “I was wondering if you could find out why the Dodgers insist on playing music (“Rock ‘n’ Roll, Part 1 and 2”) by Gary Glitter during games -- a guy who was convicted of possessing child pornography? Is this the Dodgers’ way of supporting child pornographers?”

I suppose I could call and ask the team’s president, Jamie McCourt, but it has been 220 days since she promised she would call me.

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DODGER FANS were hit with the worst news possible: The release of the 2006 Major League Baseball schedule, and the cold, hard facts we’re going to have to go through this all over again next year.

Down to the last 21 miserable games, you just know the Boston Parking Lot Attendant can’t wait to get your ticket money and start collecting interest on it with the promise next year will be different.

I don’t know how. The Parking Lot Attendant will be back along with the kid he hired as general manager, and based on experience to date, that probably suggests even a cheaper cast of characters.

“I’m bullish on next season,” said the Micro Manager, who has an option at season’s end to leave. “You ask me, do I think we can fix this? Yes, I do.”

He also said “it’s not out of the realm of possibility” that the Dodgers win the NL West title this season, which suggests maybe Jim Tracy should be the one going to the fights with the witch.

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I’VE ALREADY got the Dodgers going 0-3 against Atlanta, moving on to Philly and losing three more before picking up their first win in Pittsburgh next year.

“You have to see the forest through the trees and go beyond the win-loss record,” the Micro Manager said in explaining how the Dodgers, sitting 13 games below .500, can be better next season. “You look at what you like on your roster right now, and then you add pieces to amplify and surround that talent so it can flourish.”

Cutting through the double-talk, the Dodgers’ intention is to pick through the rubble on their present roster and then add a number of youngsters from their minor league system, which will further reduce the payroll and hopefully titillate the Dodger fan base with the promise of potential.

The marketing campaign will go something like this: “You’re just going to love kids like Joel Guzman, Matt Kemp, Jonathan Broxton and Chad Billingsley,” with no mention that you will be paying major league ticket prices to watch double-A Jacksonville players develop. Finally a reason to have $2 Tuesdays.

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THE PADRES, one game above .500, have a magic number of 15 to officially eliminate the Dodgers. Where the Dodgers go from here rests on the checkbook of Frank McCourt and the baseball insight of Paul DePodesta, which just might be the scariest sentence I have ever written.

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I HAVE the Patriots, Ravens, Colts and Chiefs winning AFC division titles, the Eagles, Vikings, Panthers and Rams winning in the NFC, with St. Louis playing Kansas City in the Super Bowl -- Dick Vermeil crying and Georgia Frontiere kissing the Lombardi Trophy ... then having it melted down and made into another piece of jewelry.

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STEVE FINLEY, promising to donate $100 for every hit to the Mattel Children’s Hospital at UCLA, finally delivered two of them in the same game -- costing me another $100 donation to the hospital because one of them was a home run.

I was worried for a while, hearing rumors the kids at the hospital were passing a hat around in the hopes of buying Finley a bat that might actually make contact with the ball.

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TODAY’S LAST word comes in e-mail from Theresa M. Hennessey, publicity manager for Playboy Enterprises:

“Playboy’s October ‘Girls of the PAC 10’ issue hits stands (this week). The pictorial features 5 USC women and 5 UCLA women. If you’re interested in covering the story, I’d be happy to put you in touch with some of the female students who appear in the magazine.”

It would probably be better if you put me in touch with all of them; I wouldn’t want anyone to feel slighted.

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T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com. To read previous columns by Simers, go to latimes.com/simers.