Is He True Blue, or Is It Just His Latest Color Scheme?
His friends tell me that Dr. Alan Bleier is the most obnoxious Bruin fan in town, which I guess now makes him my role model.
In the meantime, yes, these people live among you:
Jim Mathisen: “Thank goodness it’s over. I don’t mean ‘the Streak.’ I’m speaking of your coverage of L.A.’s collegiate football scene. You sail along where the prevailing winds take you, spouting all your sophomoric nonsense that passes for coherent football coverage.”
Thank you. I was worried it might not pass for coherent coverage.
Gail Young: “I am a Bruin, married to a famous Trojan athlete named Allen Young (’64 basketball). I can’t tell you the [grief] I’ve heard for the past few years with regard to USC football -- endless blah, blah, blah. I’ve held my tongue and endured the barrage. However, when Vince Young scored that final, quiet touchdown, I leapt off the couch, screamed my bloody head off, and threw a glass of water on my husband’s head.”
If I were you, I’d be a little nervous if the husband buys a Gatorade bucket before next year’s USC-UCLA game.
James Freed: “Your fellow Bruins are grateful for your steadfast support. I am certain Coach Karl Dynamite shares our gratitude.”
Make sure you let him know I’ve started rattling my keys every time I hear the USC fight song. I’d wave dollar bills, but I just got back from Vegas.
Donna LeMasters: “Mr. Simers, I’ve seen you, and trust me, powder blue isn’t your best color. Cardinal is much more slimming.”
So that’s why everyone keeps mistaking me for Bob Toledo.
Justin Dedeaux: “After the events of last Wednesday night at the Rose Bowl and my dad’s passing Thursday morning, this Trojan really needed a good laugh. Thanks for such great tongue-in-cheek humor; it was hilarious. And don’t try to fool us. We know you’re a Trojan for Life.”
The baseball bat your dad used as a cane persuaded me more than once to be on my best Trojan behavior. Unfortunately, now there’s no one to keep me in line.
Mark Ashton: “Your article was as classless as UCLA. I’ll never forget sitting in the stands at the last SC-UCLA game in the Rose Bowl with my youngest son listening to the coeds from UCLA yell one expletive after another at us SC fans and our players.”
Look on the bright side. Your son learned early on that UCLA coeds should be seen, but not heard.
Preston E: “Dear [loudmouth] TJ, about your classless comments about USC. I coach my son in football and always try to teach him that as long as we’re not playing UCLA, the classy thing to do is root for them ... [but] if Karl Dorrell is such a great coach, how come he hasn’t come up with a game plan to beat us? I’ll tell you why, because he’s not half the coach that Pete Carroll is. I’m going to show this article to my son so I can show him how not to act. Please print this, you idiot.”
Joe Bruin to you.
Russell Phillips: “As I felt my feathers ruffle [when] you started slamming Texas, my home state, I noticed the featured ad banner on your online article was for a California Plastic Surgery center. It must really inspire your intellect to think the marketing genius of the Internet has your readership demographic pegged as the Pam Andersons of the world.”
Given your problem with feathers, I can see why the ad caught your attention.
Donn Carper: “There will be a new USC winning streak started in September, and you will be showing up again to freeload off the food. Don’t even think about coming by the Carper Tailgate, though, with a blue hat on. Fight on!”
The way things are going for USC in ‘06, I might be the only one to show up.
Victor Rodriguez: “Hey moron, what was the SC/UCLA score again this year? How many wins for SC in a row so far over UCLA? How many national championships do the Bruins have in football? SC this decade?”
Oh yeah? We won the Lexus Challenge last year. What do you say about that?
Chris Wildermuth: “Your column reminded me how closely linked hubris and envy are in the pantheon of emotions. I’m sure lots of high school recruits will now pass up USC in favor of UCLA’s one-game win streak. Hmm, 66-19, where have I heard that number before?”
USC touched Vince Young 66 times but tackled him on only 19 occasions.
R Duncan: “Maybe you should read your co-writer Bill Plaschke’s column.”
No question, he had it right all along: “This is a Bruin town.”
Heather Kline: “Please do not use precious column inches in my newspaper that should have been devoted to two classy, champion football teams to spew audacious and presumptuous drivel about your inconsistent and weak UCLA football program. If you can tear yourself away from bruinzone.com, take some time to read your fellow Times staff writers: Bill Plaschke -- highly relevant; Gary Klein -- interesting stats; J.A. Adande -- great quotes; Bill Dwyre -- excellent commentary. ... “
So much for your credibility.
Veronica Tagle: “So old SC thought they could rein in the Longhorns with their Heisman twits. From what I saw, the real twit was the one on the sideline. Yeah, old USC’s time is up. At least the real Southern California team can come from behind and win the Big Ones. Congrats to UCLA and Texas on wonderful seasons and a job well done.”
“Fight, fight, fight.”
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T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com. To read previous columns by Simers, go to latimes.com/simers.