Don’t Expect the Bruins to Phone In Their Season

Time to talk college football in L.A., and do you realize that not only the Raiders, but the Kansas City Chiefs approached our coach a few months back about leaving to become an NFL head coach?

Scary stuff. We came that close to losing Karl Dorrell.

I mentioned that to the other football coach in town at Thursday’s Pac-10 media confab, and asked if anyone had called him, and Pete Carroll said, “They lost my number.”

That’s what happens, of course, when you end the season a loser, but I was still surprised no one had called Carroll, and that’s when he said, “I wouldn’t tell you the truth if they had called.”

“So what else are you hiding?” I asked, knowing now some of the crazy things that were going on at USC that were kept quiet until eventually exposed.

“There’s a lot,” Carroll said, and I believe he was joking, but it might be worth a phone call to see where the parents of John David Booty are living these days.

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MEANWHILE, OUR coach rolled up his sleeve to show me a blue wristband, revealing it to the media for the first time, he said, because who else in the media is such a Bruin fan? It reads, “next step, Pac 10,” and Dorrell is convinced this year’s UCLA team has what it takes to win the title.

Yikes, when this guy comes out of his shell, there’s no holding him back.

We beat Northwestern, of course, but I just wanted assurances the Bruins could get within 28 points of the Trojans, and now he’s telling me UCLA will win.

The other guy failed to even mention UCLA as a threat a few months back on the father/daughter radio gabfest, naming California, Arizona State, Washington State and Arizona as the Pac 10 opponents who concerned him. When I gave him the chance to add UCLA, he declined.

That changed Thursday when I brought up UCLA again -- Carroll saying he now considers them a challenge. “I understand they had a great spring,” he said.

Well, I had no idea USC was employing spies, which might be the next scandal to break, but then to hear Carroll explain it, USC’s recent troubles weren’t as bad as portrayed in the media.

“We were certainly hit by it and embarrassed by the fact we got that kind of exposure and it made us look bad,” Carroll said. “But in the long haul of it, the impact to the program has been minimal.”

As for Dorrell, he begins his fourth year on the job, so he already knows something about pulling off a miracle. He said the Bruins had a 100% turnout for off-season workouts, and are now ready to surprise people.

“I can see it in their faces -- I still have to prove to half my colleagues we’re for real. I know I won’t be satisfied until we win this conference, and that means we’ve got to do something at the end of the year to win the conference.”

That means defeating the other team in town, which we all know now -- can be beat.

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WHEN I heard some bike rider fell way behind and then pulled off a miraculous comeback only to learn later he might have tested positive, my first thought was let’s get that stuff to the Dodgers as quickly as we can.

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I REVISITED God’s Gift to the Dodgers, to see if my first impression of Andre Ethier being a jerk was correct. Others claimed he was a good guy, the same thing said about Ryan Leaf after our first meeting.

Ethier refused to talk when we first met, turning his back a la Leaf before answering every question by saying he was humble, and God had given him his abilities. This time when I approached, he offered a piece of paper entitled, “sensual purity,” and said we could talk about that.

I mentioned his new nickname, and he wanted to know if I was making fun of his religious beliefs. I know the Dodgers don’t have a prayer, but since I had never talked to Ethier, I had no idea what his beliefs might be.

He said, “you can make a criminal out of me if you want,” and while I thought only he could do that, I wondered if Kenny Lofton was working as his media advisor.

At one point, he said, “sometimes people have bad days.” I think he was trying to make nice, but can’t really say for sure yet. I would imagine it will depend on how much time he spends with Lofton.

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SOME DODGER thoughts now that I’m off vacation:

* The Dodgers must go 47-13 to match the 94 wins the Red Sox averaged under Grady Little’s two-year reign. Little has never been in charge of such a struggling roster, and appears soft, or clueless, when it comes to handling players who don’t meet expectations.

* That brings me to J.D. Drew. I told Drew he lacks life, hasn’t shown a hint of passion and contend it’s his fault the Dodgers have fallen flat because he has the team’s most talent. He said, “I have life,” without much life in his voice, but agreed he should be playing better. “But I don’t want to get too down on myself and then just shut it down,” he said. When a big-time player suggests even the chance of “shutting it down,” it’s time to bag up the equipment.

* No one should be surprised by the Dodgers’ collapse. They began the season as Old Timers, signed to fool the fans into thinking good things might happen, but now predictably they’re breaking down. Some think this started at the break, but they’ve dropped 10 of the last 12 series going back to mid-June.

* On a bright note, though, they swung a deal for Elmer Dessens. Who’s next, Jose Lima?

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TODAY’S LAST word comes in e-mail from James Vosilla:

“Great column.

“You’re still an idiot.”

It’s good to be back.

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T.J. Simers can be reached at

t.j.simers@latimes.com. To read previous columns by Simers, go to latimes.com/simers.