Coping and carping on the road to self-discovery

Lost and Found

A Novel

Carolyn Parkhurst

Little, Brown: 294 pp., $23.95

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“AMERICAN Idol” is spectacle -- off-key auditions, public dressing-downs and Paula Abdul. “The Amazing Race” is soap opera -- friends, lovers, siblings and marrieds coping and carping as they accumulate frequent-flier miles. This distinction, arguably, is why “Idol,” an otherwise unstoppable force, has failed to wrest the reality/competition statuette from “The Amazing Race” at the last three Emmy Awards. At the end of the award-show day, spectacles are admirable, but soap operas -- they’re irresistible.

If only “Idol” could suds itself up, find a way to make its Paula moments add up to an emotional climax (and, no, her tears over Elliott Yamin’s rendition of “A Song for You” don’t cut it), the show might play like Carolyn Parkhurst’s new novel, “Lost and Found” -- a spectacular soap opera. Set on the roaming set of a globe-trotting reality TV game show not unlike “The Amazing Race” (here called “Lost and Found”), the story concerns characters who cope, carp and, as an added bonus, occasionally act as if they’ve sipped from Miss Paula’s Coca-Cola cup.

There’s Laura, the single mom who desperately wants to reconnect with her daughter (and teammate), Cassie, a crabby 18-year-old who shall be granted attitudinal grace points for the fact that she gave birth in Mom’s attic without Mom noticing a pregnant thing until Cassie showed her the baby -- and (ick) the trash-canned placenta -- before she gave her up for adoption.

There’s Juliet, the former child star who, despite her pairing with fellow used-to-be Dallas McKinley, desperately wants to reposition herself in Hollywood as an adult star, in the nonporn sense, although, frankly, she might be negotiable on that point.

There’s Barbara Fox, the bloodless host and apparent stand-in for “Big Brother’s” Julie Chen, who desperately wants some career heat. There’s Carl, the divorced dad who, having braved a medical crisis with his young son, just wants to have some fun with his own doofus brother Jeff.

And then there’s Justin, the Christian who desperately wants to share with all in TV land the inspiring story of how he and wife Abby were cured of their homosexuality. With that kind of back story, it’s no wonder Justin and Abby were cast on “Lost and Found.”

And it’s no wonder to Justin and Abby either. Smartly, all the players know what it is about their lives that made them ready for prime time. Or, at least, all of them think they know. In any case, they’re savvy enough to realize they’re not just playing a game; they’re making a TV show. Thankfully, Parkhurst’s characters spend little time fretting about the ethics of 24/7 video cameras. “The Truman Show” might have been set in the near future, but in the present, we’re over it.

Justin and Abby are what Laura, the first of the novel’s revolving narrators, terms Team Brimstone. And, yeah, it’s a good line, but it’s a glib line, and there’s concern that Justin and Abby are only going to be around so that they can be taken down, exposed like so many Jimmy Swaggarts and Jim Bakkers.

And, without giving too much away, there is some of that. But, as it turns out, there’s more of Justin and Abby talking for themselves. And what they have to say isn’t easy or trite; it’s heartbreaking. Justin and Abby are, in an inelegant phrase, screwed up -- ashamed of who they are. If only they were in denial, but they’re not. These two feel every excruciating moment.

By the end of the game, as watchers of such games would expect, old alliances are broken, new alliances formed, breaking points reached, and the $1-million prize is an afterthought. As with finer examples of the reality genre, “Lost and Found” the novel is about the journey, not the destination. (The same could be said of “Lost and Found,” the fake TV show and asker of the Big Question: “You’ve lost the game, but what have you found?”)

In some ways, Parkhurst’s fictional reality show is better than the semireal real thing. For one, her tale can be devoured in one easy gulp; a goodie-packed, season-long DVD box set can’t be-- at least not without preparatory surgery. For another, her cast is impeccable -- not a dud in the bunch. Well, all right, Cassie is a bit trying, and Juliet is a bit artificial, but one suspects that’s the point. Otherwise, the characters pop -- especially Justin and Abby, who steal the novel from apparently intended stars Laura and Cassie.

There are other peripheral players, but they’re dispatched soon enough; conveniently, Parkhurst does the fast-forwarding for you.

Even more remarkable than the lack of lame cast members in “Lost and Found” is the lack of a villain or villainess, a good call by Parkhurst.

Reality TV show baddies tend to be obsessed with playing the game. And, again, the game is beside the point here. The point is to cope, carp and wig out just a bit. After all, that’s how you win the Emmy.

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Joal Ryan is the author of “Former Child Stars: The Story of America’s Least Wanted.”