A walk on the wild side
WE THINK WE understand what it’s like to be a celebrity now that we all know someone famous: “I dated that ‘American Idol’ reject in high school!”; “That guy walked up to me on the street and wouldn’t stop talking about how much he loves his fiance, Katie Holmes!” But to see what it’s really like, I decided to travel to the white-hot center of fame.
Unfortunately, the closest I could get was Friday’s “Daytime Emmys,” which was held in Los Angeles for the first time -- and thus immediately undid whatever the L.A. Times Festival of Books was trying to accomplish for the city’s image.
I convinced rock star and “General Hospital” actor Rick Springfield to let me walk down the red carpet with him in front of the Kodak Theater, where he was opening the award show with a medley. As we rode in a limo from the Renaissance Hotel to cover nearly an entire half-block to the theater, Springfield recognized some of his fans. “You always recognize the hard cores,” he said. When I asked him how he remembered their faces from his concerts, he mumbled something about seeing them from the stage. I think his wife, Barbie, was buying this. We were dropped off in front of the red carpet, where we pointlessly tried to push onto the Tokyo-subwayesque entrance along with hundreds of great-looking people I didn’t recognize, just like when I tried to get into parties in high school. “This is kind of dorky,” admitted Springfield.
Eventually, with the help of a 270-pound bouncer blocking for us, we got on the carpet. Taking a look at the line to our left that led to interviews with SOAPnet host Lisa Rinna, Springfield’s publicist immediately broke right, yanked us along and barked an audible: “We’re going right to Mark Steines! We’re going right to Mark Steines!” We sneaked in line to be interviewed by “Entertainment Tonight’s” Steines, whose questions were indeed worth breaking back into the crowd for. He opened with: “Are you nervous at all?” When Springfield said that he was, the wily Steines hit him with, “Come on, what are you nervous about?” It was the kind of rope-a-dope Tim Russert employs.
Seeing the media from the other side, I was not only embarrassed for my profession but angered that I don’t have a Pulitzer. In 20 minutes of interviews with “Access Hollywood,” “Extra,” “E!,” “The Insider,” ABC 7’s George Pennachio and, for reasons that weren’t clear, former “Bachelor” Bob Guiney, I heard each of them improbably ask Springfield how he felt about Maury Povich’s sexual harassment suit and Rosie O’Donnell joining “The View.” (Springfield: “I don’t know what to say about that.” Steines: “Good for her.” Springfield: “Good for her.”) Throughout all of this unpleasant crowding and waiting for interviews, guards kept yelling at the stars to keep moving. Being yelled at by guards made me feel less celebrityish and more like cutting this assembly.
Once we got off the red carpet, we headed up the stairs into the Kodak at warp speed. We stopped briefly so that Springfield could introduce his wife to Jason Thompson, who plays his son on “General Hospital.” It was like bringing your spouse to the office, only with people screaming your name the whole time. Which, by the way, dear editors, might be kind of nice.
When we finally got to Springfield’s dressing room, I was inexplicably tired from the red carpet experience. “It’s like shopping,” explained Barbie. “It’s exhausting.” Worse yet, the one thing Springfield requested -- a glass of red wine to calm his Steines-induced nerves -- wasn’t there. When he tried to get one, he was told there was no alcohol in the building. When we finally headed out to the stage a few minutes before show time, the people who won seats in the Fan Zone seemed less interested in Springfield than getting a free “The Bold and the Beautiful” folding fan.
Because as much as Springfield realized this was all just playing at celebrity, the soap fans knew it too. Even these people -- the screamingest, cryingest, free-time-in-the-middle-of-the-day-wielding fans in the world -- understood that saying they were here was better than the experience of being here. Especially if they could get on camera.
Running full speed behind Springfield after he finished his song inside the Kodak, I realized that as fun and exciting as all this was, Springfield was right. It’s all a little dorky. And I bet he’s a much happier person for knowing that. I know I am.