No Need to Be So Hard on Yourselves; It’s Only TV News

A colleague noticed that the closed-captioning for a KABC-TV Channel 7 news broadcast translated the show’s sign-off this way: “From awful us at Eyewitness News, thanks for watching.”

I think a bit of self-criticism is always helpful.

Stupid Criminals Tricks: Sometimes, it just doesn’t pay to answer the phone.

A couple of suspected car thieves received a cellphone call from a man who was dialing his own number, hours after his car had been stolen with the phone inside.

The person who answered offered to sell the victim back his car and arranged to meet him later in the day, the Associated Press reported.

The victim decided to send along a couple of other people in his place -- undercover police officers. When the theft suspects approached the detectives, they were arrested.

One of the suspects had the keys to the stolen vehicle, and the car was found parked around the corner.

Must be the influence of “Desperate Housewives”: “What woman could resist this deal?” asked Redondo Beach’s Steve Stillman of a provocative pedicure offer (see accompanying).

“Duh!” Day: The entrants for today (see accompanying) include these curiosities:

* An announcement about a couple who decided not to be married posthumously (from Mariam Kaplan of L.A.).

* A restaurant that isn’t very selective about its visitors (photo by Richard Stiehm of Santa Monica).

* A package that is wrapped in a redundancy (Frank Abel of Chino Hills).

Yo ho huh? Drinkers returning to downtown L.A. after a long absence would be staggered by the scenery changes at a couple of neighboring waterholes on 2nd Street.

The Redwood, which closed several months ago, has reopened with a sort of Pirates-of-the-Civic Center motif, having shed its 1940s “One more for my baby” look.

Now its decor consists of portholes, anchors, nets, barrels, skull-and-crossbones artwork and the like. How this will appeal to crusty newsmen, lawyers and bail bondsmen visiting after work remains to be seen. No doubt a few “arghhhs” will be uttered from the barstools.

Meanwhile, just a couple of gallops away: The Epicentre, an earthquake-themed eatery, has shut down and is being redesigned as Trifecta (which is a horse-racing term).

Gone is the faux temblor interior, including cracked walls and a painting of City Hall being flattened by the Big One, as well as the specialized menu (San Andreas Soup, etc.).

The Epicentre had been in business for four years when the 1994 Northridge quake struck. None of its mock-damaged items were damaged.

miscelLAny: San Diego, a city that has had credit problems the last few years, is the home of the NFL Chargers. The team, interestingly enough, was so named by founder Barron Hilton to publicize his Carte Blanche credit card firm.

Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012, and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.