Nebraska Goes 0 for 2 in Inspiring Family Ties

We did hard time in Nebraska in an RV this summer -- no TV, indoor plumbing that didn’t work, bugs and toads everywhere.

The Bagger felt right at home, of course, because he grew up in El Cajon, but I expected so much more after receiving tons of e-mails a few years back from Nebraskans after their Rose Bowl visit.

We didn’t get a chance to spend a lot of time together because most of them left early, too embarrassed, I guess, to be party to such a mismatch with Miami. But they still wanted me to know how good they had it living in the middle of nowhere -- especially now that they have their very own Wal-Mart Superstores.

The wife and kids were pretty pumped about that, and when we arrived at the Nebraska border we were greeted by a sign: “Home of Arbor Day.”

That got everyone excited, and for the next two days it became a game, and as it would turn out it would be the most fun a family can have in an RV, everyone looking out the window for the next 475 miles hoping they’d be the first to spot a tree.

I was at a disadvantage because I was driving and couldn’t see out the windshield because of all the bugs rushing to get out of Nebraska. The way they were willingly piling up on the windshield, I got the feeling with most of them it was “Colorado or splat.”

We spent two days in Nebraska, drove by the zoo in Omaha and got a good look at the folks who spend just about every waking moment pining for the next Saturday afternoon football game. I think you can understand why we never got out of the RV.

I asked Pete Carroll if he had spent any time in Nebraska, and he mentioned his in-laws, a polka bar, beer and sleeping on a farm, and then said he could not remember the name of his in-laws.

I thought Carroll was kidding, but he said he really could not remember the name of his in-laws and suggested I not put that in the newspaper.

“Next suggestion,” I said, because earlier I had asked him whether I should go to the Dodgers-Padres game or the USC-Nebraska game, and he had said, “Next question.”

“I’m really not sure of their names,” Carroll said, so I asked if this was his second marriage, and maybe he was trying to forget the name of his first wife. But he said, no, he was giving marriage only one shot.

The reporters who were listening to this, stood stupefied, every one of them a married man and trying to understand what it’d be like to go home and tell the wife they couldn’t remember her maiden name, without having the excuse of spending a night in Nebraska drinking and doing the polka.

“What are in-laws?” Carroll asked, and I swear on USC’s entrance exam, I had to explain to him that his in-laws are his wife’s parents.

“Not all the distant relatives like aunts and uncles?” Carroll said. “I can’t remember their names. They lived in Nebraska somewhere.... “

“Didn’t any of them give you checks as gifts at your wedding?”

“Small ones,” Carroll said. “Yeah, now I remember, Aunt Arlene and Uncle Harry,” although he couldn’t swear they were married to each other, and figured the way Uncle Harry looked the last time he saw him, he’s probably no longer with us.

He can check with his wife when he gets home. If not, I’m sure she’ll give him a call to discuss it after reading it in the paper.

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THE CORNCOBS just played before the 277th consecutive sellout in Memorial Stadium, and given the chance to watch Nebraska play football and at the same time leave the state, you can just imagine how many RVs are headed this way.

So here we are, on the verge of another Corncob invasion, stories beginning to surface about large groups of hicks, all dressed in red, coming to the big city. A preview, I guess, of what Arte Moreno has in mind.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if it isn’t half and half in the stadium with USC and Nebraska fans,” said Roger Brown, who works in the cabinet business back in the middle of nowhere when he’s not cheering for his football team. “We worship the Nebraska program; it’s the only thing in town. I don’t know too many schools that have groups from every state, like ‘Arizonians for Nebraska,’ and ‘Californians for Nebraska.’ ”

I don’t know many states where folks can’t wait to leave. But for those who continue to support the Corncobs, things are looking up. They’ve already thrashed Louisiana Tech and Nicholls State, raising the question -- might they be looking past USC for next week’s big home tilt against Troy?

“This is a great team,” Carroll said, and when I asked him if this was really a great team the Trojans were playing, he said, “Who said I would know? I don’t know.”

Then he sort of apologized, while shaking his head from side to side and muttering, “I’m just trying to think of the name of my in-laws.”

I envy Carroll, of course, because after returning from Nebraska, I wanted to forget the name of some of my family members.

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DARIN ERSTAD punted for Nebraska’s national championship team, and he and his wife donated $1 million toward the improvement of Memorial Stadium. I asked him if he owns a Corncob hat, and he said, “I’ve asked for one at Christmas but have never gotten one.”

Said Garret Anderson: “I’d pay to see him wear it.”

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ONCE AGAIN, the Hamulack Maneuver fails to save the Dodgers. Derek Lowe had a 7-0 lead and the Cubs went on to make six errors, but Chicago still won the game 9-8 with Cesar Izturis singling off Tim Hamulack in the 11th.

Cesar Izturis? That name sounds familiar.

T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com. To read previous columns by Simers, go to latimes.com/simers.