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That ol’ Los Angeles River, it keeps on not rolling along

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Frank Mulvey of West Hollywood found it in the newspaper -- a story about the mayor of Los Angeles urging “the City Council to join him in requesting the Park Commission to consider the beautification of the Los Angeles River bed.” But Mulvey found it in the March 27, 1934, edition of the old Los Angeles Examiner.

The matter’s still being considered, 73 years later, by the local politicos, Mulvey points out.

Meanwhile, the Ol’ L.A. River, that Ol’ L.A. River, it keeps on, well, not exactly rollin’ -- not at that depth.

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I guess you could say it just keeps on tricklin’.

Makes a lot of scents: My colleague Ken Hively spotted two businesses with contrasting appeals to the olfactory glands of passersby (see photo).

Guide to Adventurous Dining: Orvar Burman of Chino Hills read about some crustaceans that might do battle with you on your dinner plate (see accompanying). Could be they’re Dungeness crabs, in addition to being “dangerous” ones, incidentally.

Here’s to the losers! Remember that Sinatra song? Well, A. Sandor found a warning in Sherman Oaks apparently aimed at thespians lacking in talent (see photo). But I’m happy to say that elsewhere in that Valley community, Gillian Doyle saw an ad for a property with a floor reserved for those who are down on their luck (see accompanying).

Losers (cont.): The website Curbed LA (la.curbed.com) is seeking entries for its Ugliest Building Contest -- the worst of architecture in the City of Angels. Some comments from readers:

* Does “Anything by Gehry” count as one entry?

* Is Staples Center one ugly building, or several?

* The Sears store in Santa Monica? Not in L.A. but surely L.A. in everything except political boundary.

* Hands-down winner would have to be the Beverly Center -- a leviathan in the “early penitentiary style.”

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* What if we just take an aerial photo of the Valley?

Deadline for entries is March 31. Winner will receive a dinner for four at a beautiful Shakey’s Pizza outlet.

Enough negativity! What’s the best burger in the nation? A Wall Street Journal survey conferred the title on Ann’s Snack Bar in Atlanta, a diner with a seating capacity of eight.

“But wait,” writer Raymond Sokolov said near the end of his exhaustive article, “I can hear a million Angelenos wondering, ‘When will he get to L.A.?’ Yes, there are great burgers in Los Angeles.”

Sokolov said his favorite was served at a 60-year-old, counter-seating-only shack on Pico Boulevard in West L.A. “I love the Apple Pan,” he said. “The burgers are cooked to order, flavorful, just big enough for lunch.” And Sokolov also singled out In-N-Out burgers, which grew up in Baldwin Park, as the only chain he could stand in the fast-food McEmpire.

miscelLAny: As for the recent list of L.A. innovations that appeared here, Jean Desmond of Rancho Palos Verdes writes: “Another ‘first’ for L.A. is the push-up bra. Although Wonderbra’s publicist did a great job claiming that invention, in the 1950s, Jezebel, a local manufacturer, made an eye-catching garment that did the job. I was a model at the time, and the manufacturer gave me one to try.

“I wore it to a restaurant under a low-cut dress and was surprised when the owner wrapped a lobster bib around my neck. ‘But I ordered steak,’ I protested. ‘I know,” he said, ‘but you’re driving my waiters crazy!’ ”

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Such innocent times. These days I’m not sure a naked diner would draw any notice.

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATIMES, Ext. 77083, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012, and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.

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