NIP / TALK

Q: Last week, I met with a usually gregarious film producer in his mid-50s. I immediately noticed that he looked different, like he had lost weight in his neck. His eyes looked squashed too. Halfway through the meeting, he became visibly annoyed and started cutting me off and smirking -- which only made his eyes look even more squinty. Finally, he said, “I can’t believe that you haven’t mentioned my face. I had my chin tucked!” I apologized profusely, but the meeting never recovered. It was awkward when I left too. Was I supposed to comment on his new neck? If so, what would I even say?

-- W.M., Century City

Dear W.M.,

Isn’t it odd that “I love the work you have done” is the most ubiquitous compliment in Hollywood, but to say “I love the work you had done” is a social misfire? With Americans spending $8.4 billion annually on Botox, liposuction and the like, it seems ridiculous that a stigma even remains. If I had spent $10,000 on a new kitchen interior -- or a loftier posterior, for that matter -- I sincerely hope that someone would wolf-whistle.

Still, when it comes to post-op etiquette among colleagues, it’s always best to be vague but effusive. Simply lean in, make direct eye contact and whisper, “you look great!” This conspiratorial tactic gently nudges the flatteree to divulge her secret, though she may resist and feign that eight hours of sleep miraculously bolstered her lower lip.

“I have friends who are like the AP wire and can barely wait to tell you everything,” says director Nora Ephron, who admits to a few brushes with Botox in her hilarious confessional, “I Feel Bad About My Neck: And Other Thoughts on Being a Woman.”

“I also have friends who don’t say anything, so I don’t say anything.”

But it’s those chums who keep mum who can be tricky. I know of a couple of pals who didn’t talk for three months because one wouldn’t ‘fess up to a post-pregnancy breast lift. In the end, she admitted to the enhancement over a pitcher of margaritas and even flashed her friend in the car to make nice.

“If it’s a close friend, you’re allowed to say, ‘Oh, come on. Let’s talk,’ ” says Howard Bragman, head of PR agency Fifteen Minutes and a crisis management specialist. (Interestingly, Bragman advises his clients who go under the knife to get a dramatic new coif as a cosmetic-tweak distraction. Are those new bangs I see?) Nondisclosure among loved ones can spur trust issues too. Ephron says she felt utterly betrayed when a dear friend didn’t fill her in on her face-lift until after the fact. “I couldn’t believe that she did it without telling me first,” she says.

Perhaps even more daunting is how to handle those people who allude to having to get something removed and disappear for a few weeks. (Often, that “something” is 8 pounds of upper thigh or a weathered brow.)

A bruises-be-gone bouquet is always appreciated, but what to write on the card? Clearly, “Keep your new chin up” or “Hope those scars fade fast” won’t do.

“I do get asked what to write for people who are recovering from those procedures,” says Eric Buterbaugh, the florist in residence at the Four Seasons.

“I tell them to just go with XOs or ‘lots of love.’ ”

Best,

The Mannerist

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Do you have a social woe or an etiquette issue? Send questions to the Mannerist at monica.corcoran@latimes.com.