Just be thankful our panhandlers don’t have black belts

The other day I wrote about what sounded like the first panhandling company in L.A.

It was described in a spelling-marred (and perhaps joking) posting on craigslist.org by someone “seeking highly motivated individuals to pan handle in various terratories of Los Angeles. . . Dress and hours are flexable. . . You must be good at math & know how to use a calculator.” Etc., etc.

I wondered if a panhandlers’ union might be next.

Which brought a note from Paul Chan of Pasadena, who pointed out that several Chinese martial-arts novels set in ancient times do indeed mention a beggars’ sect, whose members are well-trained in Chinese martial arts. (Remember the martial-arts aspect the next time you say the panhandling around here couldn’t get any worse.)

But the members of the Chinese beggars’ sect, though they dress like moochers, are actually in disguise. They’re really heroes who infiltrate certain areas so they can gather intelligence in order to free their people from their oppressors. Of course, that’s the same story I’ve heard from some panhandlers in L.A.

Need encouragement to get through the day? Well, David Heim sent along an inspiring message on a church marquee in Culver City (see photo).

Sounds like . . . : Fred Pollak of Van Nuys noticed the work of a sign painter who seemed to need a spelling lesson (see photo). Actually, Gaims is the name of the business.

Dangerous beauty? Does the warning that Marc Mayerson spotted on Mulholland Drive imply that there is so little pretty scenery in L.A. that one view might cause a person to fall down (see photo)? Just asking.

High-rise problems: In the new movie “Dragon Wars,” a giant, thrashing monster inflicts some significant damage on the 73-floor Library Tower in downtown L.A. (see photo).

L.A. disaster film buffs know that this is not the first time the building has been attacked. The Martians go after it in “Independence Day” (1996). They wipe out a group of sadly misled Angelenos, who wait on the tower roof, waving placards that say they want to be taken to the Red Planet (credit card problems here, perhaps).

Death and destruction aside, one survivor is saddened that her fondest wish was not realized: “Oh, God, I hope they bring back Elvis.”

Commuter hit list: KFWB-AM (980) accompanied a report about Southern California’s traffic problems with an excerpt from a Jerry Jeff Walker song: “If I can just get off of that L.A. freeway without getting killed or caught.”

The station could just as easily have played Shelly West crooning, “Santa Monica Freeway sometimes makes a country girl blue, ooh, ooh, ooh.”

Or Tom Petty: “It’s a long day livin’ in Reseda. There’s a freeway runnin’ through the yard.”

Or Dionne Warwick: “L.A. is a great big freeway.”

Sure we have a transportation mess, but let’s take pride in that L.A. is the birthplace of a distinct musical genre: the freeway blues.

miscelLAny: Theatergoers who cut up one of their credit cards will be allowed in free Sept. 29 to see a 9 a.m. screening of “Maxed Out,” a documentary about debt-ridden Americans, at the Landmark Theatre in West L.A.

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012, and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com