‘Gossip Girl’ bids a scruffy beau adieu

A little birdie told me that the Dec. 8 “Gossip Girl” episode was the last we’d see of Aaron Rose, Serena’s artist boyfriend who had recently whisked her off to Argentina for the winter break. The CW confirmed the news, and as much as I detested the character, I felt compelled to write Aaron a proper breakup letter.

Dear Aaron:

It was good while it lasted . . . OK, maybe not.

You did arrive bearing full potential -- what girl wouldn’t swoon at some clever art installation that she didn’t understand or melt at the fact you remembered her out of all the other pretty, rich girls at Camp Suisse? Even when you took off with another girl on your motorcycle (nice touch, tough guy *wink, wink*), I wasn’t mad. Serena needed a challenge, and it seemed you could present one.

It’s so hard to pinpoint what went wrong. You really tried with the Times Square Jumbotron stunt, the cutesy answering machine greeting and the licorice ring; yet still, something was amiss. Dating multiple girls at once wasn’t exactly the ticket to my heart, but I’ve listened to enough rap songs to know I shouldn’t hate the player, I should hate the game.

When you declared yourself a one-woman man, you spoiled it by announcing you were sober. Way to hammer the nail on Fun Serena’s coffin! Didn’t you want to wait to see what happens to S after a bottle of Veuve? She’s good times!

Aaron, we “Gossip Girl” viewers gave you a chance, and you failed to charm us. We’re a tough crowd, I know, but your dad, Cyrus, succeeded. So did Dorota. Heck, even sociopath Georgina Sparks tickled our fancies in a weird, twisted way.

I’ll be completely honest, I do know what went wrong. It was the facial hair. There, I said it, and now we can move on. Best of luck and come visit -- but next time, shave and treat yourself to a drink.

XOXOX, Enid

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