Man’s best friend lays blame on neighbor

After a disagreement with a neighbor, a resident “and a dog” are “accusing the man of stalking,” reported the police log of the Los Alamitos News-Enterprise. It turned out to be just a disagreement over whether the animal should be leashed. How the dog made its accusation wasn’t clear. Perhaps it’s a pointer.

Roadside oddities

On the Santa Ana Freeway, Ed Schlossman of Thousand Oaks saw a sign that left him wondering how a truck could perform such difficult ice-skating maneuvers as two axels (see photo).

Explosive changes in the Valley?

Bill Cohen of Lake Balboa wanted to alert his neighbors to a “new and well-armed” community (see accompanying).

Such a deal

Billie Bowen of West Hills found a restaurant that seemed to be telling diners, as Bowen put it, that if they are not charged for an item, “we get the item free twice, and then we get $10 more! Whee!” (see accompanying).

History and herstory

In Western Turkey, Bob Elliott of Granade, excuse me, Granada Hills, chanced upon a restroom direction sign that, he notes, “Paris Hilton might find a bit confusing” (see photo).

Some straight-talking politicians for a change

Candidates usually become vague and start mumbling when asked specifically what they would do if elected. Not so for Valerie Anne Bishop’s third-graders at San Rafael Elementary School in Pasadena. The kids are upfront about how they would spend a typical day in the White House.

The president eats a delicious breakfast. The president doesn’t have to make his bed (Amaya Binns).

Dance and work all day (Sean Kelly).

Practice soccer in the park (Aranis Lopez-Aguilar).

Go to war with other countries. After we win, I’ll take my army to have a great lunch. (Diego Gutierrez)

In the afternoon, I’ll lead the parade (Jonathen Bush).

I’ll do more to save the trees from fire (Britney Bernardino).

I’ll count my money and gold (Tony Chaidez).

I especially like the last lad’s idea. We could cut down on bureaucracy by eliminating the secretary of the Treasury.

Time for a poetry break

As for recent items here about the mascot of UC Santa Cruz’s sports teams -- the Banana Slug -- Lois McKinney of Whittier wrote: “It brought back memories of about 45 years ago when we vacationed in the redwoods and encountered the gross-looking creatures and were taught a song by the park rangers.”

All together now: Icky Uggy was a sluggy, Slippery, slimy banana slug. Big and yellow, sticky fellow, If you touch him, “Ugh!”

UC Santa Cruz -- I think you have your fight song!

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As to what constitutes the best protection for a homeowner, a reader wrote to the Palisadian-Post about a study showing that “gun deaths are low relative to swimming pool deaths (in households). It seems that instead of buying a gun or large dog for protection, we in Pacific Palisades should be digging moats.”

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012, and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com