Morning briefing
Billy Crystal’s one-day stint with the New York Yankees had Mike Downey of the Chicago Tribune wondering whether it was just a charming experiment -- or a harmful pattern.
An e-mail he received from “Wheel of Fortune” host and lifelong baseball fan Pat Sajak seemed to indicate the latter.
“This could lead to other celebrity signings,” Sajak wrote while he was in Vero Beach, Fla., at a Dodgers exhibition game, according to Downey. “Prince William to the Royals, or Shaquille O’Neal to the Giants, or Johnny Depp to the Pirates, or the Olsen sisters to the Twins.”
Crystal may clear the way
More celebrity quips
Downey contacted celebrities to see whether they might like a crack at getting in a game.
Said former “Cheers” star George Wendt: “I could get on base. I’d be the opposite of Bill Veeck’s little-people stunt. My belly would be so far over the plate they’d either have to walk me or hit me.”
Said comedian George Lopez: “Yes, I would consider it. I can’t hit or throw, but Ozzie Guillen and I would be the perfect fit. I know all the bad words in Spanish.”
Trivia time
In 2005, the Chicago White Sox made Guillen the first Latin-born manager to win a World Series. Guillen is from what country?
Quick thinker
NFL draft prospect Joe Flacco, the quarterback from Delaware, when asked which actor would portray him in a movie, told NFL.com: “Who cares? The important part is who plays my love interest.”
Unlikely mogul
Former major leaguer Lenny Dykstra has become a heavy hitter in the investment world. A subscription to his Dykstra Report newsletter costs $49.95 a month. He travels by private jet and bought Wayne Gretzky’s Lake Sherwood estate for $17.5 million.
On the latest edition of HBO’s “Real Sports With Bryant Gumbel,” correspondent Bernard Goldberg asked Dykstra, “Is it true you once said you don’t read books because they might hurt your batting eye?”
Dykstra: “Yeah, you got to rest your eyes, man. Plus it makes you think too much.”
Goldberg: “Reading?”
Dykstra: “Too confusing.”
Goldberg: “Reading?”
Dykstra: “Yeah, I still don’t like to read.”
Goldberg: “And I’m supposed to follow your investing choices?”
Dykstra: “Only if you like money.”
On target
From reader Janice Hough: “So the soaring Rockets have become more popular in Houston than ‘Rocket’ Roger Clemens. One big reason: Better shot selection.”
Big gas bill
Comedy writer Alex Kase- berg, after Kyle Busch earned $175,575 after winning a NASCAR race: “So, after paying for 500 miles of gas at 180 mph, Busch owes them $725.”
Horse sense
Hall of Fame jockey Eddie Delahoussaye, on why he has never been much of a horseplayer: “I gambled with my life riding on horses, so I’ve always figured I didn’t need to gamble at the mutuel windows.”
They’re not heavy
Martina Navratilova apparently doesn’t see the need for Maria Sharapova and others to grunt so loudly during matches.
Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times found this quote from Navratilova that appeared in Japan’s Asahi Shimbun: “They aren’t lifting 300 pounds, they’re hitting a tennis ball.”
That’s reminiscent of what the late John McKay said when asked why O.J. Simpson was carrying the ball so much: “Why not? It isn’t very heavy.”
Trivia answer
Venezuela.
And finally
If the Clippers want to review Smush Parker’s Miami Heat career, it shouldn’t take long. Greg Cote of the Miami Herald recently wrote: “Highlights of Parker’s Heat career will air from 8 tonight until 20 seconds after 8.”
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