THE MOVEABLE BUFFET

Last year at this time, the answer to the question “What makes Vegas so special?” was self-explanatory. Now, it is likely to be: nothing.

After all, you can gamble almost anywhere these days, and, in this economy, you can get a nice hotel room at a good price in a lot of places besides Vegas. The city’s dining and shopping draws are not working out so well either. In the Internet Age, great boutique shopping is hardly the rarity it was even a few years ago. Vegas has celebrity chefs, of course, but so do New York and Los Angeles, not to mention Paris (the real one, not the casino). Most of the malls that the tourists traffic in Vegas are at the brink of bankruptcy or for sale.

That just leaves the city’s claim as the Entertainment Capital of the World. But isn’t that claim dated? Elvis and Sinatra are long gone. Celine Dion has left. Traveling Cirque du Soleil shows make a Vegas trip unnecessary. Elton John still tours. And when Barry Manilow had a new album, he took off from the Hilton to tour too.

Yes, Vegas remains the big league of gambling, and that isn’t going to change. But gambling alone can no longer keep everyone working and the lights on at the big Strip resorts. To keep thriving, by the end of the ‘90s, Vegas had built itself for a market in which gamblers’ play would make up less than half the money resorts generate. So even a buffet is supposed to make money at a resort. This process cannot be reversed.

After a great deal of thought, I think I have the solution to draw people back. It is an old idea, but one Vegas seems to have forgotten: Bring back big-name headliners and get them in contracts so you can’t see them anyplace else.

Vegas has never been more conservative in terms of entertainment than it is now. New and upcoming shows include Donny & Marie, a Cirque magic show with Criss Angel, a Cirque Elvis show, another Broadway show (“The Lion King”), an impersonator, ventriloquists, Cher and Bette Midler. Yawn. All of this is meant for the traditional Vegas tourist of a few years ago. But people don’t actually come to see these shows, no matter how much they would enjoy them once here.

Vegas needs headliners of an entirely different league. That is a small, expensive list: Madonna, Guns ‘N Roses, Bruce Springsteen or U2. These are just some examples of the sort of acts who could be more profitable doing 10 weeks than Criss Angel will be doing in 10 years. Or, how about a theatrical show designed by and starring David Bowie?

Vegas is the king of making the impossible happen. One hundred million dollars is very little to spend on creating a show when it draws people into a multibillion-dollar casino. Cirque’s “Love” was a hit because Cirque did a good job, of course, but more because boomers were given a unique opportunity to hear the Beatles catalog (albeit remixed) with proper sound while looking at theatrical stuff that represented the videos their pre-MTV lives never gave them. There is no mystery to it: The Beatles show is a draw; people come to Vegas because they want to see it. We need more shows like that.

It is disappointing that none of the resorts seem to be thinking in these terms. Instead, they are focused entirely on dropping prices. And, of course, that should be done as well. But in reality, there is no reason to come to Las Vegas. We are an empty desert meant for people to come and behave irresponsibly with their money, and casting Vegas as a bargain destination to engage in that has severe limits in a recession.

The truth is that the magic of Vegas comes from making the impossible happen. And when music or movies can be pirated online, live experiences are one of the few forms of entertainment that audiences must pay to enjoy. That should be a big strength for a town that markets a custom live experience to every tourist based on dreams and wallet size.

It’s also why a proposed mob museum is such a horrible idea. One does not come to Vegas for the history of Vegas, mob or otherwise, but for the ever-changing now, with its malleable ways to take a walk on the wild side. Aside from a controversy about Mayor Oscar Goodman asking for federal money to help with the $50-million price tag, the museum sort of misses the point. A Vegas trying to sell its past is a Vegas without a future.

In short, this city is going to need to do a lot better. In these economic times, people more than ever require a reason for Vegas to be the place to come and splurge.

I say bring on the real headliners, the ones fans will drive or fly across the country to see. It is a tall order, but that is the way Vegas has always survived, and now is the time to remember that.

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