Friendship feels deceptive

Dear Amy: I am a 41-year-old happily married woman with three children. I graduated from college 20 years ago, and I have remained in touch with a friend, “Jerry.”

He does not tell his wife that we are in touch or that we meet on occasion. Long ago, Jerry had feelings for me. I never knew he felt that way. But his wife (then girlfriend) knew and disliked me.

Though nothing improper has occurred between Jerry and me, his refusal to tell his wife about our ongoing friendship doesn’t sit right with me.

My husband has met Jerry many times. Should I insist he tell his wife, or just let it go?

Gray Area

Dear Gray: Tell him you would like to continue your friendship, but not his terms. If he is willing to include his wife, then you’ll be happy to be in touch. Tell him that otherwise, you feel you’re participating in a deception, and you’re not willing to do that.

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