So ‘cougars’ are OK, wolfish men aren’t?

Dear Amy: Am I the only one disturbed by the trend of “cougars”?

I am a 40-year-old male, and was taught (mostly by women) that men who chased women 20 years younger were “dirty old men” with “arrested development” who looked ridiculous and childish. But now it seems that when women do it, it’s “empowering.”

The first time I heard this term was on the “Today” show. The host was talking to some self-confessed cougars who were saying how great it was that they had found this new and incredibly liberating lifestyle.

At the end of the segment they gave a Web address to a site that would tell you more, including where to find “cougar bars” in your area.

Can you imagine the “Today” show advertising a site where older men could go to pick up college women?

Disturbed

Dear Disturbed: I can imagine seeing many things on the “Today” show, but I agree with you, male cougars would definitely not be celebrated on the program.

I also agree that the notion of cougars is tacky, offensive, sexist and stupid. I also happen to think that the cougar fad is an overreaction to the unfortunate reality that middle-age women have traditionally been (as my mother so eloquently put it) “invisible.”

Real beauty and power don’t fade. But I can only hope that the current fascination with cougars does.

::

Dear Amy: I am in a relationship that is going sour.

We have been together for only seven months, but this girl makes me completely happy. I think I love her. We have told each other we love each other, and we meant it.

Now she is saying that we are drifting apart and that she doesn’t feel the same way about me.

I told her that if she will be happier if she leaves me, then she should leave. Of course, I don’t want her to.

Should I be supportive of her choice and show that I love her by letting her do what makes her happy, or should I be selfish and fight for her?

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous: Fighting for someone’s affection doesn’t seem selfish, but it might be foolhardy and, in the end, depressing. Grandstanding in this way seems to work -- in the movies.

There’s a well-used expression that covers your predicament: “If you love something, set it free. If it returns, it’s yours forever; if not, it was never meant to be.”

Repeating this to yourself might help you release this person from your life. Then it will be up to her to decide.

Send questions to Amy Dickinson by e-mail to askamy@tribune.com.