The great escape

Hi, my name is Shayna, and I'm the escapist, aka the reality TV junkie.

Remember those old Calgon advertisements? A harried housewife gets so overwhelmed by her everyday woes that she sneaks off to the bathroom and declares "Calgon, take me away!" (cut to blissfully relaxed housewife in her therapeutic milk bath). I love a good soak in the tub, but it doesn't keep my mind from racing the way a night of reality TV can.

It doesn't always do the trick, mind you. Slipshod shows like "The Littlest Groom" probably keep Calgon in business. But "The Amazing Race" and "Survivor" have proven to be the right remedy for a time in my life when reality has been rough. A lighthearted column about a much loved — and loathed — television genre may seem an odd forum for what I'm about to disclose. But I'm compelled to explain that my recent absence is due to a personal tragedy — the sudden death of my very dear stepfather, Harold.

He probably would have gotten a kick out of me mentioning his name in the same breath as reality TV, given that any other time I mentioned it he'd hightail it into another room. But he was supportive nonetheless, and though not a fan of "The Bachelor," "The Apprentice" or any shows of that ilk, even he delighted in the fact that I scored an intimate phone conversation (OK, it was an interview) last year with my crush du jour, "Outback Jack."

I miss the man who was my mother's husband, my dog's "grampy" and, indeed, my friend. I will mourn his passing for some time to come. But I know he'd rather see me get on with my life — even my shameless TV watching — than wallow in my grief. So this one's for you, Harold. And may your heaven be a reality-free zone.

Reality redux

"The Amazing Race"
Tue., 9 p.m., CBS
I had my doubts about this season as soon as I heard that "Survivor" princess Amber and her beau, Boston Rob, were cast to compete for the show's million-dollar booty. And when I learned about the even weirder ratings ploy — that Ron, a POW in the Iraq war, and his beauty queen girlfriend were also set to join the race — I thought the show was sunk for sure. I figured the celebrity (or is it notoriety?) factor would be an exercise in stupidity, à la ABC's "The Bachelor" (more on that below).

Thankfully, I was wrong. The "Race" is as amazing as ever, and two of my favorite competitors are none other than Rob and Amber. I hated them with a passion when they snuggled and schemed on "Survivor: All Stars." But on this worldwide adventure challenge they have been smart, creative, kind (at least to one another) and down to earth. They are so obviously having fun it's hard not to cheer them on. Other likable characters include marrieds Uchenna and Joyce, WeHo's own Lynn and Alex, and retirees Meredith and Gretchen (who at ages 69 and 66, respectively, are more than holding their own amid the top five teams). As their travels took them to the heart of the Kalahari Desert, I, too, felt like I'd ascended someplace far, far away.

"Survivor: Palau"
Thu., 8 p.m., CBS
Speaking of far, far away…have you been watching this very unpredictable season of "Survivor"? Same host, same format, same physical and mental challenges, whole new game. That's right, there's something fresh about the show, even though it's in its eighth outing. Could it be because most of the participants are actually kind of nice? Is it because one tribe has been so dominant that the other is now reduced to a single member? Or maybe it's because I'm in the "Second Ever Jay Demopoulos Survivor Pool" and I've got money riding on this thing! Whatever it is, it's great. Thursday nights are fun again.

"The Bachelor"
Mon., 9 p.m., ABC
Inquiring minds want to know: Who's the genius who thought Charlie O'Connell was the answer to this show's prayers? If I wanted to watch a pseudo-celebrity pick up on a bunch of chicks, I'd drive up the road a couple miles to a Hollywood bar. Part of the hook of "The Bachelor" is, at least for me, giving a crap whether the guy finds true love or not. Charlie, though he seems like a decent enough guy, is clearly just in it for a good time. And though he's a college graduate, the dude isn't exactly an intellectual powerhouse.

Regardless, if I continue to watch, I predict one or more of the following will happen: I'll be frustrated and annoyed; I'll hate myself for wasting my time; I'll have to start attending those Reality TV Watchers Anonymous meetings again.

"The Starlet"
WB
This offering from the teen-friendly WB network always seemed to be on at the same time as something else I was more interested in watching. I did, however, watch the finale in its entirety and suspect that was more than enough to get the gist of what "The Starlet" was all about. Not one of the three finalists struck me as a particularly good actress. But hey, I'll give 'em points for bravery. After all, their screen tests were critiqued by "Mommie Dearest," herself, Faye Dunaway. "No wire hangers!" But I digress. Without a real investment in the show, the only thing the crowning of 18-year-old Michelynne made me feel was old.

Write to the Reality TV Junkie at tvjunkie@latimes.com.